Addicted to you.

I am on the other side of 40 and addicted to two apps that I may be judged for.  Every one is hooked on Facebook so that is now socially acceptable. So it's not that. No, not Instagram or Twitter either. Anyone attempting to follow me on either of those knows that.

I'm probably a little older than your average Pokemon Go addictee, but hey, don't knock it till you tried it. I tried it, I like it. It adds a little something to a casual walk to the beach or in the park. I am thoroughly engaged with my niece and nephews aged 6-22, and the best bit is trying to get more and better Pokemon than them!! I was SO excited when I managed to score a Pikachu before any of them! Hehehe - evil aunty laugh!! They have been great. The ones with phones are my Pokemon help desk so I can ask stupid questions about how to do stuff in the app. And the little ones play it on my phone and love it. When I saw them for lunch recently I gave them my phone, I had about 30 Pokemon and was level 5. When they gave it back to me at the end of the day I was on level 9 and had over 100 Pokemon including 2 of my favorite Squirtle that admittedly my nephews had to catch for me.  Little bugger kept jumping back out of the pokeball!!

Oh the other app I may be a little addicted to is Tinder. There's a lot of lonely people out there, and the social butterfly in me loves meeting new people! I am house sitting on the central coast and it has taken me a week to wind down and actually want to write. So I jumped on tinder and started chatting to a few different guys.  It was fun and social and kept me occupied during my wind down/ writers block time. I met up with one of them - call it a date if you want, it's just a label for two people hanging out isn't it? It was lovely, he came and picked me up, we went to the local club for dinner, a few drinks and then he dropped me home. Local knowledge is great. He had the day off so we hung out the next day - got Vietnamese rolls and went for a stroll along the water where he got to put up with me catching Pokemon while we chatted. My other mission of late is to find the perfect outfit for my friends 40th birthday party - themed 70's, 80's & 90's. My local guide took me to a few local (and hidden) op shops where I discovered a goldmine of outfits that fit the party's theme. And now I have not one but two costume options. I may need a major haircut though. I could buy a wig but it might be fun to get a fringe cut - can anyone recommend a good hair dresser who won't break the bank? 

So what has my 'research' taught me, and why has it prompted me to want to write this? Damn good question, but can I answer it. Regular readers know how the concept and philosophy of relationships fascinates me. I can't accept the social standard and I struggle to understand the reactions I get to some of my opinions. 

In your 20's - you date who you want and you end up in relationships and believe you are in love. You break up, move on, you get over it. 

In your 30's - people date with the intention of finding 'the one'. You look for potential partners wondering if they would be good parents and if you want to spend your life with them. There is a lot more weight on anyone you 'date' than when you were in your 20s. 

In your 40's - hmm, still learning and observing here but there is a different attitude with guys in their 40's. Guys I meet in their 30's still have hope of finding the one. In your 40's everyone has a past. Marriages, divorces, kids, a number of careers, occupations, addresses and experiences. Many have just given up on the idea of 'the one'. Unlike me, I haven't given up on it, I just don't accept that it exists or understand it. 

Alain de Button is an amazing contemporary philosopher who recently spoke at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas at the Sydney Opera House.
I really admire the way he breaks down his thoughts, the way he organizes them and then how he presents them. It's inspiring. Anyhoo, he has a train of thought that says romanticism has killed marriage. Once upon a time marriage was more of a business or financial transaction. Any girls who have been to Egypt must know how many camels they are worth! You married to get a better life. That's what arranged marriages and match makers are about. Then the romantics came along and decided your life partner was to be decided on by an instinct or feeling. That can only get you so far (definitely to at least 3 months). If a life partnership is to be built, and I am sure any successful pairing will attest to this, it is about more than just a feeling, there's the bills, the logistics, the annoying little habits, the friends and relatives you don't like. I like to think what really tests a relationship (and by this I mean any relationship - romantic, social, business,...) is how you deal with the shit. The boring stuff that goes so far beyond that gut feeling. This is what relationships are built on. Some of the hardest projects that I have worked on have created the firmest bonds in my career and social life. (The mud, the mud, no more mud!)

Opinions. When I tell people I am divorced, most people adopt a sympathetic "I'm sorry, you poor thing" attitude. I always say getting divorced was the best thing my ex and I did after we got married. Divorces can be positive steps in a persons life - it definitely was for me and I am much happier for it. I tell people I was on a tinder date and they react with excitement and joy and maybe a little wink. I'm just meeting someone for coffee, or a walk, I'm not marrying them!! So just chill the f#*k out! Everyone I know is so tied up in their own lives or have moved away, or both. I'm a social being and love meeting new people and both Pokemon go and tinder are great for that - so I'm not giving up coz I gotta catch em all!😉