Withdrawal...

Back of my car at the end of shoot

Withdrawal from early morning alarms and being on for 12 hours a day, withdrawal from my daily can of V addiction, withdrawal from seeing the same dozen people all day every day, withdrawal from putting everything in my life on hold simply for a job?!

Good and bad - as you can see I am full of mixed emotions. It is very lucky I like what I do for a living, and I have the pleasure of working with a crew that have become a very odd little family of sorts.

I get a little lonely after finishing up on all consuming projects. It's no surprise after spending a month or more of having at least a dozen people depend on me to be there and to have the answers to everything and to make things happen, I get a little lost when I suddenly find an abundance of time for ME! Oh how I have missed me!

I have cleaned my house, done all my washing, caught up with friends and family, I'm going to cook food that I want to eat, I'm catching up on admin, i may get my taxes done early, I've been back to the gym, been to the movies, I've had afternoon naps and I even spent a few hours reading a book today!!!!!

Still so much to do!!

Gotta find a new job for 1 - though my career has been feeling a little stuck lately. It's not bad, I'm freelance and I've been working - so that is good. But I need to figure out the next step. Just like me to never be satisfied with what i have and to always want bigger and better. Me in my career, my relationships, my life, but alas too lazy to do much about it. Damn this ambition! I often think if I wasn't so ambitious I might actually be happy and stay happy. Sooner or later i start to get bored with the same ole same ole. It's taken me a while to realise this after the divorce mind you, and a little longer again to do anything about it. I'm surprised it took so much out of me - see, I am human!

I find myself with many options in front of me, but I am unsure which one to chase and my need to wait a little to see if some fall away while others become a little more prominent in my life.

So til then I will continue to enjoy the ME time and see what happens next.

I went to a birthday party yesterday. A very important one for a boy in my life who adores me and who I just can't get enough of. He is my friend's 4 year old. When he was asked who he wanted at his birthday party, there was his family and friends and Aunty Munky. So the party itself can be a little awkward for a single girl at times. People only know each other as so-n-so's mum & dad or by their relation to the Birthday boy. I only got asked once "which one is mine?", so that's always fun. 

Once everyone had left and as I was extracting cupcakes from the sandpit on cleanup duty, I realised it was just like old times but it used to be the next day with all of us extremely hungover finding beer bottles in the oddest places around the garden. Floors were just as sticky though. While my friends sat, exhausted I got to put together numerous lego projects with the birthday boy and play til the sun went down and he fell asleep in my lap while watching a dvd. awww. Almost enough to make you want one... Best Saturday night date I've had in a while - why can't all boys be this cute and adorable?