Boring!

I have no excuse for not writing at the moment coz I am pretty much doing nothing these days. Since my last post, I have been gyming it, got a haircut, went surfing, schmoozed a bit at an indie film forum, done a few tv series marathons, got a hangover, over eaten, seen every movie i want to see, caught up with a few friends, and even got all my tax bits off to the accountant.

 But this week I got bored! I think I need to work again now, or find more people that can play during the day. Or find friends that will actually call me from time to time to catch up or at the least check in. I just realized I didn't make one phone call in or out all weekend! So to counter this what have I done? (not a lot really) I have started dreaming up what to do next. Right now I want to move to another country and re-invent myself. My bestie pointed out that this brings mixed feelings for her. On one hand she is excited for the new adventure I will embark on but sad that I won't be around. I get it, but seriously, who would miss me if I went away for a few months, maybe more? I'm lucky to see my friends every few months as it is.
Oh trust me there is still a lot I could do -  I could do a huge house clean, I could tackle some sewing projects that are buried away, I could write that award winning screenplay, I could research all manor of things from film festivals to internships in New York to holidaying in Thailand to renovating the apartment but these don't encourage much social interaction which is what I am lacking at the moment. Not sure what happened?
 Facebook happened!
What has it done to our social lives? Has it increased social activity due to ease of contact or has it decreased activity due to people now socializing via digital means instead of real live interaction? I'm starting to get over the whole Facebook thing. They say the more online friends you have the fewer actual friends you have.  I tried not adding everyone that I meet but then there is the politics of it not accepting friend requests, coz they know. I thought about unfriending people that I really don't need to know anymore but that didn't seem quite right either. And I find myself sensoring what I post on Facebook because of the range of people that I have on there. I know you can change all your settings so some people see certain things and others don't but that means wading through your friend list to categorize them all. Do you really wanna to be put in a box and categorized? Family, old friends, new friends, school friends, work friends, work friends from one job, work friends from another job, someone I met on holiday once, a friend of a friend who you got drunk with once...the list goes on.
I didn't realize how private I chose to be with certain people until FB. Odd thing to say when I am pouring out my thoughts in a blog that is more accessible than my FB page. I realize there is a work me, a social me, a family me, and a private me. I used to be so focused when at work that I didn't really get to know anyone, and they didn't get to know me. It wasnt until I worked on a very different paced project that I relaxed enough at work to make friends. That's a bit sad really isn't it?
The freelance friend is a funny category. As a freelancer, you jump from project to project and it's now rare that I don't know someone from another job and it's all very friendly as long as you see each other. Once you take the need to spend time together away, then a friendship requires effort! And that's when it gets difficult. Hmm, oh well, I know that in a few weeks time I will, once again be too busy to write these as I will be immersed in another all consuming project. I vowed not to let it take over my life last time, but it didn't work. Methinks I'm gonna have to shake things up a bit real soon!!!! Stay tuned...if you dare!

What's the hurry?

In the words of Ferris Beuller "the world moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around, you could miss it!" (have i used that line before?) It's not until I get out of Sydney that I realize how crazy the city can be. Everyone is always in a hurry, everything is urgent. But is it? Get out of the city and it can take a while to wind down, but it's worth the ride. I went to the NT and yes, I had my boss on my back to get things done immediately, but things in the NT just move slower. There was nothing I could do about it.
I went surfing this week. Its been a few years but after a few wipeouts I got my confidence back. I was rushing it and falling off. I had to zen out and slow down. Once I did that, I got better. It was weird, I had to slow down and think about what I was doing, and the more I thought about it, the less I thought about it. I relaxed and that is what led to happiness. Stop, breathe.

The city teaches us to be uptight and impatient. I do this too. My chosen career has been a role where I am the whip cracker and schedule keeper. My responsibility is to keep things moving and get things done on time. So is it odd that my down time truly is DOWN time. I like to keep busy and on the move. But I know how to do nothing and do when I can!
I did have a few calls for work in my down time and somehow turned them all down. I was offered 1 or 2 days filling in for someone due to illness but I had just locked in my trip up north to go surfing. I was buying tea at the time and asked the sales person "should i take the work or go play?" His initial reaction was - take the work, its work. But then I told him I work in film & tv and he quickly changed his mind, saying "I'm dating someone in that industry! please go play, go spend time with people that love you!". So I did.
Kids have the right idea. I once asked my nephew what we would do if he didn't  have to go to school and I didn't have to go to work. The answer was simply "play". And I think that is beautiful! I f I don't make time to play with some of the kids in my life - that's when the bitch comes out. What is adulthood? Is it responsibility? Is it when you forget how to play? I don' t ever want to forget that. Neither should you - go play!!

Nothing!!!

Pt 1

Doing nothing is harder than you think. Well for me it is. It's quite a challenge, seems I have forgotten how to 'have a life' in one month where I gave a little too much of myself to a project. Seriously - what happened? What the f#*k am I doing with myself? I find myself going days without speaking to anyone and I can survive without leaving my house too. Don't worry, I find it odd too. It's been about 10 days since I finished up completely. I justify it to myself by saying that I deserve the down time and there is nothing wrong with spending a day on the couch doing a series marathon of Avatar- the legend of Korra, and/or other movies I have waiting for me. Then there is the cooking, and the eating! I either need to curb the eating or start burning a hell of a lot more energy on a daily basis. I go to the gym, but I'm starting to get bored with it. I'm so edgy right now! Gotta find a new challenge - any suggestions? Hmm... Too many damn options. I have good and bad days. I was pretty restless today, but thanks to iPad I am writing this with a cup of tea in the sun down at a beachside cafe. So I have until the battery dies coz I forgot to charge it. Still trying to work this into my daily life. This is a damn good start - me likey! I can go anywhere, do anything - but the choice is so vast.

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Pt 2
Nothing seemed like an appropriate title this week.
It nearly became "Nothing or What to do when you find out your ex is getting remarried"
It was a bit of a surprise coz I found out via facebook thanks to mutual friends commenting on his photo of his betrothed with an actual engagement ring on her hand. Sorry, I'm allowed to be a little bitter there coz he never actually gave me a ring that I could wear. So if that is anything to go on, hopefully he has learnt a thing or two about relationships and how to be a decent husband.
Anyhoo, when I first read the news I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Society tells me I should be upset, but I wasn't really, so I became confused. I spoke to a few friends about it and they all think he should have had the decency to give me a heads up so as not to find out through other people. It has been over 3 years since we separated and about 2 since we last saw each other. We are not in each others lives anymore, there are people who know us both and there are photos of a time when we knew each other. I can honestly say if the roles were reversed, I don't know if I would feel the need to tell him about it either. So my answer to the question of What to do when you find out your ex is getting remarried? is NOTHNG, hence the appropriateness of this weeks title.

But on a much more fun note - what I got up to this week - visited a friend in Newcastle, stopped by the Hunter Valley to stock up on some faves, spent lots of play time with nephews at the beach in the beautiful weather, started kick boxing (loving it, mostly coz I'm not as sore as I thought I should be), booked a flight to Perth, decided to shoot the next film at the end of the year and had the satisfaction of putting together a few IKEA pieces for a friend.

Withdrawal...

Back of my car at the end of shoot

Withdrawal from early morning alarms and being on for 12 hours a day, withdrawal from my daily can of V addiction, withdrawal from seeing the same dozen people all day every day, withdrawal from putting everything in my life on hold simply for a job?!

Good and bad - as you can see I am full of mixed emotions. It is very lucky I like what I do for a living, and I have the pleasure of working with a crew that have become a very odd little family of sorts.

I get a little lonely after finishing up on all consuming projects. It's no surprise after spending a month or more of having at least a dozen people depend on me to be there and to have the answers to everything and to make things happen, I get a little lost when I suddenly find an abundance of time for ME! Oh how I have missed me!

I have cleaned my house, done all my washing, caught up with friends and family, I'm going to cook food that I want to eat, I'm catching up on admin, i may get my taxes done early, I've been back to the gym, been to the movies, I've had afternoon naps and I even spent a few hours reading a book today!!!!!

Still so much to do!!

Gotta find a new job for 1 - though my career has been feeling a little stuck lately. It's not bad, I'm freelance and I've been working - so that is good. But I need to figure out the next step. Just like me to never be satisfied with what i have and to always want bigger and better. Me in my career, my relationships, my life, but alas too lazy to do much about it. Damn this ambition! I often think if I wasn't so ambitious I might actually be happy and stay happy. Sooner or later i start to get bored with the same ole same ole. It's taken me a while to realise this after the divorce mind you, and a little longer again to do anything about it. I'm surprised it took so much out of me - see, I am human!

I find myself with many options in front of me, but I am unsure which one to chase and my need to wait a little to see if some fall away while others become a little more prominent in my life.

So til then I will continue to enjoy the ME time and see what happens next.

I went to a birthday party yesterday. A very important one for a boy in my life who adores me and who I just can't get enough of. He is my friend's 4 year old. When he was asked who he wanted at his birthday party, there was his family and friends and Aunty Munky. So the party itself can be a little awkward for a single girl at times. People only know each other as so-n-so's mum & dad or by their relation to the Birthday boy. I only got asked once "which one is mine?", so that's always fun. 

Once everyone had left and as I was extracting cupcakes from the sandpit on cleanup duty, I realised it was just like old times but it used to be the next day with all of us extremely hungover finding beer bottles in the oddest places around the garden. Floors were just as sticky though. While my friends sat, exhausted I got to put together numerous lego projects with the birthday boy and play til the sun went down and he fell asleep in my lap while watching a dvd. awww. Almost enough to make you want one... Best Saturday night date I've had in a while - why can't all boys be this cute and adorable?