Perspective

So I was in a NSW Service centre the other day and saw this.

What order would you put these pamphlets in?

My friend wanted to change the order to Birth, Marriage, Death. Thinking that's the order he expects these events to happen to him.

The official name of the governing body is " Births, Deaths and Marriages".

The way I see it is Birth and Death are unavoidable - these happen to everyone and there is nothing we can do about it. Marriage is avoidable and indeed forbidden for some. And many people I know are getting married after they have kids. 

I guess it all depends on who's looking at it and if you think of it as your own birth or the birth of your child.  If you think about what order you might need to fill in each of these forms then the photo is correct...kind of.  

Unfulfilled - no, not quite.

"I'll never have what I want because I never want what I have" - Carrie Fisher.

I get this - it's very me.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I stop and get nostalgic about all the what ifs and sliding doors in my life. Thinking maybe I could have been happier/better/content. Maybe I could have gotten married and had a little family and now I would be the fit forty something yummy mummy jogging through Coogee in my designer active wear pushing my designer stroller with my designer baby! Then I walk past a kid throwing themselves on the ground and chucking an overly public tantrum  and it snaps me back to reality and reminds me how grateful I am to be where I am and with the life choices that I have made.

I know every person who has ever been a parent thinks it is the be all and end all and they can seriously make us conscientiously childless folk feel like shit! You act like your time is so much more valuable and that everything you do is so much more important because you managed to procreate. REALLY!!

Beautiful advice someone told me about recently. They asked a mother "What am I missing out on by not having children?". The mother shrugged and wisely answered "Well you are missing out on the having. Just like those that have are missing out on the not having."

And thank you Wendy Squires for this article and saying everything I want to but better.

The End? ...Or is it?

So this could be rather monumental or it could be a big steaming pile of BS. I don't know yet.
But I think I am going to retire from my current 'so called' career. It hasn't been very nice to me over the years and I'm tired of it. So I'm done, moving on. I am deeply saddened to announce that it is over - that this relationship is terminated. But we can still be friends?

It's the longest relationship I have ever had with anything. I see people starting out in this industry full of energy, ideas and passion. While digging through some stuff  of mine I was reminded of when I was that cocky kid starting out  - full of passion and energy. I was going to be someone. I was going to make a difference. Maybe I did, Maybe I didn't - doesn't matter now.

I watched Pirates of the Caribbean - the latest one - the one shot here. Lovely to see familiar names float by in the credits. Proud to say "I once knew them" and their numbers are in my phone. But I also realised that my name won't be there and I don't care anymore.

It's been great but I think its time we went our seperate ways. My dedication and devotion to you has given me some treasured experiences but you have also kept me from other things in my life.

For years I have been saying "This is the year", "Bring it on", "Any second now". I have been waiting for something to present itself - it hasn't.

So what next?

I need to reinvent myself again. But where and towards what? Can't tell you coz then I have to kill you - no really, I can't coz I don't know.

And I somehow feel these pictures are related to what I am thinking right now?! No one can explain me - but its an egg!

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* I wrote this a few weeks ago - I'll keep you posted. Change is afoot!!