Birthday Blues, I am not Google and the Meaning of Life.

HI all,

Sorry if the title is a little misleading - I don't think I am that insightful and deep - but it sounded like a good title. It is my birthday eve and it is a cold rainy winters day where I don't want to leave the house and don't  need to leave the house. Only problem then is that I do actually stay in all day and don't talk to anyone - good thing about that is I write - coz thats like talking but not.
And the meaning of life is an old Douglas Addams reference to the number of years that I have now been on this earth. (Go read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series!!)

I felt the need to write something - its kinda crazy babble with no real meaning. keeping it consistent with everything else on here already!

Not a year goes by where I don't get a little down around my birthday. It could be simply because its the middle of winter and I'd rather be at a warm sunny beachside resort - OR it could be birthday blues. I like that my birthday is in June, it makes me reassess where I am at twice a year - Christmas/New years and my birthday - both festive days that people insist on celebrating to mark that another year has passed and ask what the F*%k have you done with your life?

When reassessing ones life it is easy to fall into self pity mode and ask yourself "Why didn't I do more this year?". But I have said it before and I will say it again - I really don't have anything to complain about but I could be doing better. But the only person that expects more of me is me (and maybe sometimes my parents but they are getting much better about it). Appreciate what you have - I'm good. 

So I know that my Facebook page will be filled with birthday wishes for the next few days (thanks to timezones) from people I have met, known, worked with, partied with and maybe even slept with but what will that really mean? It basically means a social media website sent you a reminder about a calendar entry and society says you should send a greeting. Is there really anything more in it? Well YES if you place a lot of value on social media as a communication tool, and NO if you are over 35ish. My therapist told me that all people give and receive love in different ways and its true.

I will be marking my birthday at three different occasions  this year (maybe more, the week is not over yet) with various family and friends. What does this mean - balloons, cake, presents? No, mostly good food, drinks and a good chat with those that have time to see me. (not to belittle anyones attendance, just that I know there are a lot of people who I do care about who can't be with me right now for various reasons). And on the actual date of my birthday - I have an appointment with the foot doctor - YAY! Its just a date, and somehow despite working freelance, my friends still want to socialise on weekends.

I organised (threw together last minute) my own birthday drinks last weekend. I didn't make a booking  and guesstimated about a dozen people coming and going through the night. Ooops, Its hard being popular - pretty much took over a room at the pub with 20-30 people. And when the crowd thinned and I was barely tipsy I sat at my table surrounded by younger men and they proceeded to get me plastered - vodka, a cocktail and a fireball shot (thank you for the water - I needed it). I managed to not lose my phone (just) and was poured into an uber car and escorted home by 2 drunken boys who continued to pour wine into my system until we passed out. But not before I managed to cook up a midnight feed of leftover risotto and home made dumplings?! Not sure what else happened - it all went fuzzy after the fireball and the next day hurt (a lot! damn this aging thing!!!).

Oh the Google thing. I feel like I get asked for answers everyway I turn. At work people ask me things that I would have to look up anyway and in this age of smartphones it's probably faster for them to look it up themselves. I know it's my job to have the answers but why does it have to leak into my personal life too? Random people in stores ask if I work there?? Even my family got me to book the restaurant for my own birthday dinner. Every now and then it's nice to be told what I'm doing or where I'm going - that's all. It gets boring sometimes. 

The meaning of life? I don't know!! Just go out and live it... I say from my laptop in my home office that I have barely left all day - tee hee. 42 - bring it!