Down time

*This was written earlier this year when I had a few weeks off - I really thought I  had posted it!

So I find myself "between gigs" again. This is the life of a freelancer. And something I will never get used to is the post wrap depression. The jump from spending 10hrs + for however many days it takes with the people who depend on you to know everything  - Where are the toilets, what's for lunch , how far is the next location, how do I get there, is it going to rain? What are we doing next, do we need blood in the next scene. Now much of this is warranted but with the popularity of smart phones and easy access to google, I really feel that many of these questions do not need me to answer them. It really is easier to ask someone rather than look it up yourself , isn't it? I have caught myself doing this, but more often than not I am the one people turn to before google.

So what to do with down time?
I have made a few phone calls sent a few emails for work, and almost caught up on The Walking Dead (Marathon viewing) . I still need to have a cleaning frenzy and should probably buy some new clothes as all my work pants are starting to fall apart. I did sacrifice a pair for the sake of an empty room and a much needed cartwheel. Trust me, it needed to be done!! And thank god I wore underwear that day!
I plan to catch up with friends, go to the museum (There's a new one), write (yes, this blog counts), should get some work on my car done, should do some work on the apartment  (but that can wait, and it requires funds that I do not have)

I have been struggling for way too long. I am working as hard as anyone else but without the financial reward. I really need to stop whinging about it and find a better paid job. My life is not about the money but for years I have been putting things on hold. Things like a holiday, new car, work on my home. Why have I not been able to achieve them? Because I have stagnated!!!!
How many times in this blog alone have I said I needed a change? Yep, still waiting on it. Still can't see it!

So I was out with my girlfriends the other day. Three are mothers and the other is wanting to be one. It was seen as sad news that she wasn't pregnant. So I tried to lighten the mood by announcing that I too, was not pregnant, and that was a good thing. They didn't find it amusing in the least.

I have been reacquainting myself with my culture. The recent death of my grandmother brought about many traditions and ceremonies that need to be conducted to ensure a comfortable afterlife for the deceased. I love it. It also means spending time with my parents and learning about the traditions that are slowly disappearing and losing their authenticity as we get watered down in this society.
I am saddened at how surprised my aunts and uncles are that I am willing to take the time to participate in these ceremonies and that I choose to participate out of interest not duty.

I have been to 3 funerals this year. Makes you think. Peoples lives are measured by the amount of offspring they produce, it all comes down to family.
I put together sideshow representations of 2 lives for 2 funerals this year. My sister realized that if we were to show her life in photos right now she would be dressed in shorts and sneakers for much of it. We don't dress up like they used to. A generation that put on their best clothes to go traveling abroad, a generation who went to balls. We don't do it anymore and despite almost everyone having a camera in their pockets these days, there aren't many photos of us. Can you imagine a funeral of the future and a slideshow of Facebook selfies being what our lives are remembered for?

More opinions about men today and the tale of Tinderella

SO I wrote this while waiting for a tinder date who was running late - bad start!!

Regular readers and friends will know about my attitude towards traditional dating and coupledom so you know this is not normal for me. This particular blog is also a little more revealing than I usually like to be on here.

I decided to give this Tinder thing a whirl. After speaking to various friends and colleagues about their experiences with Tinder I thought "What the hell?". I have been on there for about a month and I am quickly starting to lose interest. It was great for a while, just like a game. If I was waiting for someone or on a bus, instead of playing Candy Crush you could 'play' on Tinder. My friends (married and single) were totally entertained by it when I showed them my account. It was FUN!

BUT with every guy I meet on here the more I am convinced that it can't be found in one neat package. Different men/people are good for different things.

So there will be huge generalizations here but there are 2 main camps of men. Most on tinder are after a "quick hook up". Easy, simple, no further explanation required but here is an amusing video I came across on Facebook about Tinderella.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLoRPielarA

Some chat too eagerly giving the impression that they aren't used to talking to girls. Or they just have no idea how to chat at all!! And even after initial contact all you get to start a conversation in an uninspired "hello"?!

There are some genuine sweet guys on here. Their intentions are a little more complicated. But so are mine. Some keep chatting hoping they will still get the hook up. 

Some just send you nice messages like any friend might. And that intrigues me. 

Losing interest now.

If they are a little too keen and haven't asked you a single question about yourself - who you are, what you like, what you do? Then you kinda know what they are after and then make your choice whether to pursue it or not.

Some don't know how to have a conversation. Fair enough a text conversation may not be the best indication but I'd like to know people who can string a sentence together. If your text game is that bad then go old school and try using your phone as a phone and  call me!

And when they ask for your number a little too soon it usually leads to inappropriate photos landing in your text inbox. Hey - if that's your thing, go for it, who am I to judge?

Date  Scenario 1 - my summary was the more he talked, the less interested I became but he had really good wine so I stayed a little longer than I should had. Now I don't care how good your wine is - he was a bad kisser so NO thanks.

Date Scenario 2 - he was keen via text so I agreed to meet up. Oh dear! No thanks. I really should listen to my gut more.

Date Scenario 3 - The pretty boy who can communicate fine by text, it's working then you meet up and getting conversation out of him is like pulling teeth. Luckily knows how to kiss a girl and is absolutely gorgeous - but I'm not that shallow. 

So where is Mr tall dark and gorgeous, who knows how to kiss a girl, have a good conversation and appreciates a smart capable woman. Does it exist? Am I expecting too much for it all to be wrapped up in one neat package. Maybe...

Too many people I see settle for near enough is good enough thinkng they can change their partner. And I listen to them whinge about their lives and their partners! Just accept it! And I say this about all facets of life - you chose it, if you don't like it, if you are not happy then change it, do something about it. 

Anyhoo, all this 'research' has inspired me to start writing a new story, which is a good thing.

The Youth of Today!!

For a while I was feeling my age as cocky 20-something, half formed adults were getting very annoying and would induce the groan of "oh, the youth of today!!" .

But this subspecies has been redeemed in my eyes by a few fine upstanding examples.

I have come across people in their early 20's seriously asking why I think they couldn't do my job. The simple answer is 15 years experience and training. With 2 old ladies barking that at her, I think she kinda got the hint.

They have an attitude where they give the impression that they know everything and can do anything. An esteemed colleague of mine in his 70's to this day lives by the rule that there is always more to learn. I agree and these youngans have cost time and money at work because they were unwilling to admit their inexperience. They take on roles that they are not familiar with and get surprised when its not quite what they expected and that its actually hard work.

I do admire the enthusiasm. I was like that once too but there is a difference between enthusiasm and naive enthusiasm. I get enthusiastic but I know what I am getting into because I have the life experience to ask the right questions. though I like to consider myself spontaneous - have I just contradicted myself?

Anyway, I digress. Let me tell you about the good ones. I have recently met a string of lovely young people studying and traveling through renting out my spare room. I have 20yo nursing students from Country NSW, a young swiss boy and an Austrian girl. They are all very polite and friendly, they take responsibility for themselves and they listen to my advice. AND they don't make me want to roll my eyes and throw my arms up in frustration. I actually have proper and interesting conversations with them (with the exception of the happenings of Big Brother).

There are still a lot of annoying ones out there, maybe it has something to do with youths from Aussie cities Vs other towns and countries. Who knows, Maybe some people are just idiots and they can come from anywhere in the world and I have been lucky.

And what is up with hashtags??? Once the least used button on any telephone and now entire status update are written with only a # punctuating it.

Check this skit - Funny
Hashtag skit - Jimmy Fallon & JT

Day 8 - home time

Sleep in

Hangover

Mini massage

Tuk tuk to airport. 

Good bye Joe

Chaing Mai to Phuket

Phuket to KL - blog catchup

KL to Sydney. Home sweet  home. And its much warmer that I expect. Spring has definitely sprung. The only time I wore my sneakers and hoodie were on the plane. I tick the box on arrival that says I have been to a rural area and she wants to check my shoes and I pull out my thongs. I thought it was funny but controlled myself so as not to be too weird in front of the immigration officer.

After all my travels and I get the Sydney cab driver asking for my number and if he can take me for coffee?!? That usually happens when I am away, hahaha!

Home -  Am I tired? Am I hungry? Really want to brush my teeth. Jump in shower. Its about time for a nap. I was SO busy leading up to this holiday and I have come back to nothing and no one. No plans other than I really should find some work. I make a few calls and let people know I am back but its only been a week and really not much has changed of anyone else. Maybe I should start planning the next trip.

I found lego Yoda in KL

Day 7 - Chaing Mai city

A good sleep in then breakfast.

We drive down to Chaing Mai city after breakfast and see our accom for the evening at Spicy in the city ( hostel style accommodation in the spicy/ next step Thailand office)

It's hot! But we feel we should make the effort to see the city despite being in relax mode after our time in the mountains. We do a short walk to one of the main temples, stop in lots of shade and find cool water before stopping for another local bite to eat. 

We call it quits and head back to Spicy for a nap in the air conditioning. 

Tonight Joe wants to drink and show us his city. We start at the office with a bottle of scotch, red bull and a few local friends. 

Here's the night in a nut shell.- 

Pub crawl/ drunk night. 

Freedom bar

Bob Marley/ cart food

Yellow backpacker club area

The boys try to tell the fortunes of 3 young American girls. 

Late night, sleep.

Day 5 - travel to Chaing Mai

A nice sleep in this morning. It is the only morning I didn't book anything for myself and I wasn't jet lagged. The drinks last night probably helped too.

A slow morning, a late breakfast then a little walk around to try and find the best deal to the airport. It bucketed down just as we had to go and the beach really wasn't very inviting today so an easy day to be leaving Patong beach. The drive to the airport was at times through about 10 cms of water on the road.  So airport, abuse of free wifi, a little window shopping then onto our little plane to Chaing Mai. 

We have no idea what to expect. My friend messaged a friend of a friend he had met once who runs a little tour company in Chaing Mai. We shall call him Joe. Joe says, great, just let me know when you are getting in and I will put together an itinerary for you. 

We feel like rock stars getting picked up from the airport with our names on a little sign. A quick stop at the shops and we drive and drive some more, up and up the mountain we go. The road gets a little rougher and "highway to hell" starts playing. Hmm, coincidence? After about 3 hrs we arrive at our destination, the amazing and beautiful Spicy Villas just in time for dinner. Spicy villas is an Eco lodge in the mountains of Chaing Mai run by a local boy (our man Joe). You can stay there as a volunteer or guest through air BnB and couch surfers. It is a really rustic and homey feel and they treat you as family. The food is amazing! A lot of the veges and herds are grown in the lush garden and they even raise a few chickens and a little piglet. If you are ever in Chaing Mai I highly reccommend spending always nights up here. It is very remote but defiantly worth it. 

There are 2 other guests who arrived earlier that day. An English girl and an Italian girl. We all chat and get to know each other over dinner and beers before turning into our little hillside bungalows. Luxury with bed, mozzie net electricity (solar) and an ensuite.

http://www.chiangmaiecolodges.com

Day 6 - Chaing Mai

Wake up in bamboo honeymoon suite hut in the mountains of Chaing Mai. 

We lazily make our way up to the communal cooking and dining area and enjoy a home style breakfast before helping with a little light gardening while exploring the grounds a little. 

There are pigs and chicken on site, along with gardens abundant with lemon grass, basil, sugarcane and medicinal herbs. There is also a sun baking area a chill out hut and even a pool table.

There is a very communal and laid back atmosphere up hee in the mountains. Guests are invited to help with cooking.  The cleaning and gardening are optional. But Thee is also a volunteer programme where you are expected to help with simple maintenance and chores and looking after the guest rooms. They also welcome those who can help teach the locals more about medicine and the English language.   

Around midday everyone starts to make their way back to the kitchen/dining hut to cook and eat lunch. Yummy banana fritters and pad thai  on the menu today. 

After lunch we go visit the site for Spicy Villa #2. This is situated about a 15 min drive from the original site and overlooks a field of rice paddys. There are a team of guys working away constructing 10 new bungalows. So we help plant some cuttings from SV #1 garden I to the new site. We start off in our thai work boots aka havianas before taking Joe's lead and ditch them for bare feet. There are 2 little kids under 5 running around in bare feet and diving all over the mountain 'helping' as much as kids this age can.  It makes you realize how ridiculous all the safety rules and regulations have become in western society. At first my western brain freaks out a little about the hygiene and safety of the environment these children were in, but they do it every day, this is their home and their playground and they learn very quickly how not to get hurt. 

Anyway we work work work in the sun getting hot and sticky and dirty. This makes the trip to the waterfall all the better. A short walk into the valley and we are in a little oasis with fresh waterfall which doubles as local bath and water park with slide, spa and pool.

We play, we wash and we cool down before heading  back for dinner and to meet 2 new guests from NYC. W all cook dinner together (spicy catfish from the pond, red curry chicken, stir fried pumpkin, chilli basil chicken and bananas in coconut milk for dessert)

More beer , more conversation, new friends and a lovely sleep in the bungalow. 

Day 4 - Exploring

Sorry for the delay on these. Was happily without internet for a few days. So I am trying to catch up during my KL layover on the way home. Enjoy!

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Ok a resort morning, overcast, windy but still bloody hot!

So I decided against the bikram yoga and signed up for Thai meditation and Pilates class. It's that hot it might as well be bikram meditation anyway. Turns out I got my own private Personal trainer coz no one else booked in. He leads me to the flash reception hall and we set up 2 yoga mats and a little CD player amongst the stacked up tables and chairs. A dodgy scratched cd jumps and skips through the tracks. As I do my best to lie still, sit still then walk around not spilling a very full glass of water followed by an hour of Pilates. 

Went for second breakfast then had to jump in the pool. It's not a beach day. Very windy, choppy waves and sand blowing everywhere. I'm loving the Asian breakfast on offer. It's actually what I often feed myself at home anyway. Fried rice, congee, dinner leftovers. Food is food right?

I consider lounging around the pool for a day but get my ass into gear and  I jump on a local bus for a mere 30baht ($1 aud) and make my way to old Phuket town. Definate European influence with cafés all over the place.  I choose a little place called kopitiam on Thalang rd, I decided it was a pad thai day and this was the first place I saw that had it on offer once I got off the bus. PadThai and an iced ginger tea soda.

See the condiments - I always get hassled for my love of condiments. Maybe I am part Thai. Or it's an Asian thing, dunno. 

After wondering the streets for a bit and taking lots more photos I try to find my bus back to Patong. In doing so I stumble across the local markets. And not just all the crap souvenirs, I'm talking where locals buy their fruits, veges and meats. Weird dried fish products and lots of spices and interesting looking fruit line the stalls. Amazing. 

My little win for the day was successfully getting the his to town and back and finding the right spot to jump out of the bus. I could go back to the hotel but I wanted to try these feeder fish tank things at the massage parlours. So I get my feet nice and dirty walking along the beach and then plonk myself down for a 10 min session with the fish. Hehe, it tickles! Once I manage to stop flinching every time I got a nibble I managed to get some photos. Something to do, nothing amazing. 

Hotel, swim, clean up and then dinner for 1 at The Beach. I d walked past this place a few times and promised to splash out on some fresh seafood.  There is usually a bit of a lull in activity in the middle of the day due to the heat. But late afternoon everything starts buzzing. Council guys are cleaning up the beach, constructions starts up again and a lot of restaurants truck in masses of ice and fresh seafood that is displayed out front. Along with the pork curry you see below I got a few BBQ king prawns. Yum!!! And all with a view of the ocean.

It seems lone female travelers who stop and talk to restaurant spruikers stand out. A few of the guys remembered me and said, "you told me yesterday that you were coming back". So after meeting up with my traveling buddy for the next few days and strolling through Bang-la rd getting hassled about ping pong shows, ladyboys, cocktails and more we headed down to Solemio (Next to where I had dinner) with really cool couches on a deck facing the ocean. As it turns out the guy who remembered me from the day before was celebrating his birthday, and the staff got a cake and sang happy birthday to him.  In celebration he gave us all a free beer and then came around and did shots and took photos with all the remaining patrons. That was my first real drinking night out in Thailand. I know , sounds surprising to some of you, but I have mellowed with age.

Day 3 - Phuket BusTour

It always amazes me just how much I can get done in a day when on holidays, despite many hours doing nothing but napping, going to the beach, lying by the pool and even the combo of napping by the pool (that was an accident, hope I didn't snore)

Anyhoo, after getting back from the boxing about midnight last night , I was up and on a bus at 730 to see the sights. 

There were 4 of us on the tour, a young German couple and an older woman from sydney. We did all the majors - Kata viewpoint, Big Buddha, a photo with a hungry baby elephant, Chalong temple, an orchid garden,  cashew farm, honey farm and of course finishing at the jewellery and souvenir shop. Back at hotel by about 1pm. It was exactly what I needed to tick a few things off. Probably a good day 1 thing coz you don't have to think about where. You are going and what you are doing. You just jump in and out of a mini van, walk around and take photos. You can spend money on all the touristy bits and pieces. But the be best money spent was a donation to Big Buddah to be blessed by a Buddhist monk. Both big Buddah and Chalong wat were amazingly spiritual and surprisingly emotional for me. At Chalong temple they set off crackers reminiscent of Chinese New Year and I walked into one building and heard the familiar sound of joss sticks being shaken. My grandmother used to go to the temple every Chinese New Year and do joss stick readings for the whole family or the upcoming year. It took me back.  Just being in these highly spiritual places almost moved me to tears as I thought about all the funerals I had been to this year, my grandmothers in particular. I never thought about her as a Buddhist but yes, a lot of the traditions she followed are Buddhist. I always though of it as Chinese traditions, not necessarily, Buddhist. It was an amazing feeling being there. 

I got snogged by a local, it was the baby elephant.  I love the feel of their skin, we fed this little one bananas and he gave us all a hug and a kiss. A shame to see it on such a short chain, but if it was any longer it wold probably end up on the road, and it would freak out a lot more tourist when it lunges towards you. I hate to admit it but I really like the honey farms and cashew farms and all that sort of stuff.. I love the taste testers on everything. 

Back to room to change for a swim, no make that a long nap instead. I awoke and then went to the beach, and hung by the pool. And all with wonderful internet access. My plan was to write and post these blogs but I think I just played games and did some phone admin oh and I probably fell asleep again?

But my hunger was growing and I wanted to see the sunset over the beach.  So I went to the little takeaway place across the road on the beach. Chicken cashew nut and a coconut. A good thai standard. Then I strolled up to Bang-la road and beyond. I took a photo and kept walking. I have such little interest in it, even as a social experiment to say I've been there didn't appeal. Am I getting old?

I did the market stalls and bought more stuff that I don't need. Came back to get an early night with a yummy roadside crepe with mango, coconut and honey on it.  I ate it sitting on the balcony while in turn feeding the mozzies. 

So early night in bed and blogarama. Tomorrow morning - meditation and Pilates at the resort fitness centre for free. My last day in Phuket on my own, then off to Chaing Mai. 

Day 2 - Patong

So woke up early, made my way down to the massive breakfast on offer and then went to wander around a bit. I put my feet in the Andaman Sea then ran back to my room to put my bikini on. So 10 mins later I was in the ocean. But there are signs that say "no swimming" not sure why so I took it easy. Then I just wandered up and down the beach being asked if I wanted to go parasailing or get a massage. Maybe later. Got back to hotel and jumped in the pool, showered and changed ready for the day. Now, abusing free wifi in the lobby.

More later.

In the past when I travelled I always kept a journal, now I keep a journal and tell the world about it through the magic of blog. 

I always find it amusing when people go overseas and go to Maccas or the Hard Rock Cafe. The resort I am in has a Belgian Bier Cafe. And a town ain't a town now without a Starbucks or two. 

Ok on with day 2.

I didn't manage to catch up with any of the people I knew here so I went exporing on my own. 

So in the scorching mid day sun I ventured out into Patong. I quickly learnt just how hot it can be and was brought back to doing silly dance at Andy 500 gigs about the "hot sand" so as I skipped, ran and hopped from shade patch to shade patch I stopped for a pedicure, then as my toes dried, I got a manicure too. And here's a picture .

I managed to get away without Having to get a massage too hopped, skipped and jumped across the hot sand until I found myself near Bang-la Road. This road gives Times Square a run for its money on sensory overload. Gaudy, gimmicky pubs, flashy lights, market shops that all sell the same thing. Embarrasingly enough some of the gawiest pubs are the Aussie ones. Why would you go to another country to drink like you would at home? I don't get it.

So I battled on through the heat in desperate need of drinking water and air conditioning. So I made my way to the Jungceylon shopping centre. Another thing you shouldn't do on day 1 of exploring is try to make rational shopping decisions. I bought things I didn't need had do no idea how much I was spending and couldn't figure out if I was hungry or not. 

I did eventually get hungry and ended up grabbing some sushi. I know I'm in Thailand not japan but hey the fish is very fresh and I finished up with total fusion mango sushi in coconut milk. Yum and a half!!!

On my trek back vowing to not spend any more money I booked a ticket to the thai boxing that evening. Also not the best idea when it goes from 9- midnight and your body is still in another time zone.  First they insist on busing you in an hour before anything starts. I think this is in the hope that tourists will spend money on souvenirs and alcohol.  I am glad i went even though I got bored around fight 6 of 8. They started with these little boys of about 10, crazy stuff. There are 3 areas of seating, VIP, ringside and gp. The guy at the tour shop recommended ringside. True the seats are comfy compared to the cheap seats, but the locals are having more fun in the cheap seats. That's where the atmosphere was. And you gotta love the guy who leans in to the ringside /VIP area and tries to get you to put on a bet when there is a huge "no gambling" sign painted on the wall. 

So basically the ringside and VIP seats of mostly tourists wondering "What the...??" Though there was a guy in the front row watching the whole thing with a go pro strapped to his head.  There is a camera showing it all on a big screen too, we even got a replay action on a ko.

The bogans in the front row found this fascinating and to prove to each other that they really were on tv they made rude gestures with their hands while they stared at the big screen. Tres amusant!

Now to write about or see a photo does not do this event justice. They play crazy music that sounds like 4 guys that have never touched musical instruments before or ever heard a piece of music. If I can figure out how to embed sound in this, I will.  But the other thing is the smell. The fighters are rubbed down with a body oil that smells like deep heat or tiger balm and it permeates through the stadium with the smell of man sweat and Thailand. 

They advertise that there are a few Aussies in the line up, but there weren't. I figure it's to get the tourist dollar. It works.. There was a French guy and a Russian guy and another guy whose nationality I don't remember but his body and his tattoos I do remember. Hmmm, abs...

So why did I go and how come I enjoyed it? It seemed the thing to do and what's not to like about very fit men oiled up and kicking at each other dressed in nothing but little shorts.  See, something for everyone. 

Holiday day 1 - travel

I am currently winging my way to Thailand for a week of RnR in a warm climate. Leaving Sydney was easy, it's been raining a lot and it was super windy when I left this morning.

It's been a while since I have flown internationally. The last time was New York, Montreal and Vancouver nearly 5 years ago. That was before I even started this blog! 

Some things never change. Despite a vast majority of travelers staring into their tablets and smart phones ( I am one of them, typing on my iPad , music from the iPhone), a lot of standard airplane technology hasn't changed. I'm sure there have been advances on the technology side but the mechanical technology is the same as it has been for years. Because it works and there is less chance of technical failure in case of emergency. Take the safety demo they do on every flight before you take off the seat belts, the air masks, the life jackets. All the features are still the same, even the demo actions and words haven't altered much. The meals still come in little foil containers, the seats, the tray tables, the overhead luggage compartments. It's all the same across different airlines and has remained the same for many years. So is this one of the few truely international industries. Australia can't even get all the states to agree on daylight savings, countries can't decide what side ofhe road we should drive on but we all fly the same.

I just had a brief stopover in Malaysia, so 2 hrs in KL airport. I think I confuse the Malaysians the most. They are never sure where I am from. Last time I came to visit they tried to wave me though as a returning citizen. 

The other thing I need to remember as a female traveling alone is to be careful being too friendly to males - they often get the wrong idea. Aussie men are so dumb they don't realize you like them until you bash them over the head with it, in New York all I had to look at a guy and I had a new dance partner, in Malaysia waiters want me to add them on Facebook and frisky bar tenders easily get the wrong idea when you accept their invitation for a private drive around town. Don't worry, I punched him in his ghoulies and I live to tell the tale, it was years ago now. 

I am excited because I found Miranda Hart's book for sale at KL airport so as much as I want to see stuff in Thailand I really like the idea of lying around the pool or beach for a day and reading her book. Geez,  I am getting older! 

Anyhoo I will be in Thailand before the hour is up and then I have to masquerade as Jimmy's thai bride, I just hope he hasn't made me a lady boy!!

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Well, I made it...eventually. We landed early but took nearly an hour to get through customs. Phuket airport is busy at night! And then I waited again for there to be enough passengers to fill a minibus to patong. So I made a friend instead - a lovely Irish girl who has been working in Australia for the past 5 months. Got in late, met a whole lot of people I will have trouble remembering this morning and stayed up for a bit catching up before hitting the hay. 

Facebook vs Reality: Relationships...again.

So I have been interacting with the 20 - something set of our species lately. Discussing friendships, relationships and how these terms have been redefined over time.

When does someone become a boy/girlfriend, what date do you celebrate as an anniversary, exclusivity, multiple partners and friends.

I spoke to someone yesterday who said they chat to a mutual acquaintance about once a week on Facebook. I don't have anyone I chat to that often. "That's what friends are!!", was the reply I got. So my thinking here is:-
A) I don't have any friends
B) I don't have the same expectations of my friends
C) where have my real friends gone?
D) what is this face book inter web thing you speak of?

I thought I was someone people wanted to know. I used to be the social event coordinator and the person who knew everyone. Turns out I am just a very organised person who keeps track of contact details very well. People turn to me if they want to get to someone or something else.

I am lucky to hear from friends once a month and I thought that was fine, until now. I look back to my early 30's where I would see a whole group of friends at least once a week and some of them more. Where are they now? Settled in their own worlds where I am nothing but a distant orbit. This is probably largely to do with me getting so caught up in my work that I disappear for months on end. I've been doing that for about 8 years now so I guess they all got used to it. Even my parents only hear from me once a week. I went away with work a few years back now to a remote area with little to no phone reception. I may have blogged it then but I will repeat myself: the 11 other people I was with freaked coz they were out of contact with girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, children. I had no one who needed to hear from me - except the producer. Does this sound sad to you? Does no one love this girl? Or is it just that the people that do love me trust that I will survive 10 days on a work trip to the outback without any dramas?

I had the most amazing week of impromptu visits and adventures this week (more often than not they involve food and wine- so yes, I love them! Come visit!). It started as a meeting about a project we are working on together and turned into dinner, a sleepover and a drive to the northern beaches to visit her parents and a mutual colleague and friend of ours. So we sat in the afternoon sun sharing a lovely bottle of red wine and good conversation surrounded by numerous species of birds and one of my favorite canines in this world.  Our host has over 70 years of life experience on this earth and we were musing over relationships and expectations. I figure he might know a thing  or two about human interaction. We spoke about the importance of creating a healthy and open conversation about your expectations within a relationship and about face to face communication vs a phone call vs a written message (email, text, message, letter). Communication is undoubtedly clearer face to face. There are so many tools of communication that don't involve words - facial cues, body language, the tone and inflection in a voice. Think of trying to communicate with someone who doesn't speak the same language as you. It's like breaking up with someone via Facebook or text vs a phone call or the oh so brave face to face (or phone sex vs real sex vs sexting, if your brain works that way) . I should be so lucky, all my relationships just kinda fizzle off until they seem to ignore me completely. Until they want to get to someone or something else, then I probably have the contact details they are after.

 The more I think about it the less sense committed relationships make to me (at least the standard definition of them). Cheating is only cheating if monogamy is the expectation. I watched "The Vow" on tv the other night, average movie but a surprising message embedded in a sub plot. Daughter finds out dad cheated on mum, can't understand how mum forgave him. Mum (Jessica Lange!) tells daughter that she thought about all the good he had brought to her life over the years vs his one bad. This echoes Dan Savage's words on monogamish and so called cheating (That's in an earlier blog of mine). I agree.

So monogamish, polyamory, cheating?  Same thing? Different expectations.  I have many different people in my life whom I love for different reasons. I do not have committed sexual relationships with any of them but I need them all in my life to satisfy different expectations of mine. Until I find my "The One" who somehow embodies all of this, this is how I'm going to continue living my life.

Having said all this, I think of the movies and music that I love and realize what a stupid romantic I can be. I'd love to be 'swept off my feet' , 'weak at the knees', 'so in love I want to put it in my FB status update everyday and make people sick', but I am a realist. If my "Prince Charming
" is spread over a few different people, I think myself pretty lucky.

Would I rather the weekly Facebook chat from lots of people I never see in person or an impromptu drop in a few times a year?  Honesty, I'd like both, but the impromptu visit is worth about 100 faceless Facebook chats.

Why do I only know crazy people??

I guess crazy attracts crazy. My family are rather conservative, but my friends, well that's a whole other story!!

Of course it depends on your definition of crazy. I guess my definition involves words like non-conformist, spontaneous, adventurous, dreamers, your general social misfit.

Crazy people are interesting!
So , yes, I AM CRAZY! At least I hope I am.

I guess it was evident when I used to dip my salt and vinegar chips into my ice cream or lemonade at birthday parties in primary school. My high school group proudly called ourselves misfits. We were bonded , it seemed, by the fact that we didn't fit into any other group. In retrospect, we were all about reality. W didn't pretend to be anything we weren't, and I am happy to say that over 20 years later I still keep up with a few of them and despite all having VERY different lives now, we are still connected. And in my adult life I have been lucky enough to meet and collect a lot of new crazy friends along the way. Of course working in the entertainment industry helps with that, imagine if I was an accountant! Although having said that, I know some great accountants (2 are performers who were hiding out, or earning a living, as accountants)

Society expects a 40 year old woman to be married with kids and a mortgage. I got divorced and I don't have kids. People, mostly family, continue to ask me when am I going to find a new husband to look after me? I don't see this happening and in my experience, it's me who ends up doing the looking after.

I stayed with my mother recently while I was in the middle of a particularly grueling, and life sucking project and I celebrated another birthday. It dawned on Mum that I wouldn't have time to look after a family in the way that she did, with the work that I choose to do. Hats off to those who do what I do and manage a family, don't know how you do it. The point of me mentioning the birthday is that for a good week I was bringing home little presents from friends and showing mum photos of how spoilt I got at work. It showed her that I am happy and surrounded by people who care about me, despite not being in a traditional family model. It was great! My Mum has come a long way from her childhood in rural China.

Even medically recognized crazy is becoming more acceptable in society these days. Who hasn't been to a therapist or at least knows someone who has a medically recognized psychological condition? See, crazy is slowly taking over the world. Wonder what will happen if crazy became the norm?

As much as I condemn social stereotypes, where would we be without them? We misfits would have nothing to feel alienated from and we wouldn't know what we to rebel  against. Ferris Beuller says isms (racism, fascism, sexism, etc) are bad, I agree, but a necessary evil.  If we didn't have isms we wouldn't have crazy people.

I love being a turtle!!!

A moment please...

Last night my Grandmother closed her eyes on this world for the last time. She was 96 (i think), or there abouts.

I haven't seen her in years, so, to me, I guess I had already let her go.
My understanding of death and society's reaction to it as much a conundrum as what relationships are supposed to be.

I know I am supposed to be all sad and accept everybody's deepest condolences. Truth is, she probably should have let go a few years ago. She didn't want to be here anymore. A friend of mine, who also recently lost his grandmother, said the same thing, going so far as to say that if it was a family pet you would have taken them to the vet years ago to be put down. Sounds harsh but there is truth in it that you should at least consider for a moment. I am not asking you to agree, just to consider it for a brief moment.

I couldn't have a proper conversation with my grandmother as my chinese language skills could barely pass kindergarten. Do I regret this? No,  not particularly - I had a choice, I had the time, I just chose not to do anything about it.

What I do know about her is that she raised a family of 5 children with a fairly absent husband in rural China. The family officially migrated here when my Mother was only 16 and after my grandfather passed away in the 80's. my grandmother continued to live very capably on her own. So to suddenly have your body fail you and be put in a nursing home must have been really hard for her. I pride myself on my strength and I can only put it to the positive female influences in my life. Of which she was definitely one.

When I stop to think about what she has taught me I think of dumplings (goc jai) and the fact that she stuck up for me when I was compared to my sister all the time. Maybe it was because she too was a little sister.

Regular readers may remember a post about how excited I was when I made my first batch of these dumplings without any assistance. I remember being gathered in my mothers kitchen with a whole contingent of aunties and making dumplings to feed the masses that are my extended family. I could write something really poetic about how she will always be there to guide my hand whenever i make these dumplings from scratch. But that would be lying - she knows it, I know it, you know it. I watched, I learned and I practiced making these things because  they are yummy and I like to eat them. Maybe I'll make some now, I'm getting kinda peckish.

She will be buried next to her husband, my grandfather,and I hope we can keep the tradition going of sending things to the afterlife where they continue on in happier more peaceful times. Do I believe in the afterlife? Not sure, but she did so lets hope that's where she is.

I have a really clear memory of her at my grandfathers grave once, offering up his favourite foods along with Chinese tea and a few shots of whiskey, just the way he liked it and chatting to him. Catching him up on news of the family and to share the banquet with other deceased relatives. It created a great image of my deceased relatives around a banquet table - eating, drinking and being merry. So maybe that's where she is now.

The body may be gone but the memory will always be there and I hope this little blog is enough to honour that memory, even though she would't be able to read and understand it.