It's a beautiful and romantic idea to think that there are people out there that you will never find any fault with. Realistically, that's kind of delusional. I married my now ex husband because there was no one I knew that could make me angrier than he did. I figured I must love him coz he annoyed me so much.
I have been catching myself feeling a little lonely these days.
Friends don't call as often, no one just pops by for a cuppa, it's all so much effort. People think I am always SO busy. I think it is because I don't have a regular schedule and am therefore often busy when others are not. Often the busier I am, the more alone I can feel. I'll find myself mid week finally getting a break, wanting to chill and having no one to do this with.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming others for forgetting me, its probably my own fault of playing all my cards a little too close to my chest all these years and not letting anyone in to see the real me in here. You'd think someone might have figured it out by now.
It amuses and intriegues me that some people think I would be happy and all my problems would be solved if only I would find that 'special someone'. Sure, it would help, but trust me , there is so much else in my life that I am questioning right now that the 'special someone' would just be a small percentage. If there is someone out there who can allow me time and money to travel and write and to be selective of the projects I work on while being completely supportive of everything I do and eat all the food I cook without getting too fat then bring it on.
Damn it why am I never satisfied. I am so lucky to have everything that I do have and yet it's still not enough. As much as I am ok with being on my own, I do entertain the idea of sharing my life with someone. Here's where another part of my brain pipes up and says - " who says we are supposed to end up with one person anyway?". This part of my brain says other things too but she doesn't always make a lot of sense. And that's a topic for a whole other blog entry, I'm sure.
Hoping this isn't too morbid. I am fine to anyone who wishes to ask. I actually started this blog idea in August last year and I needed to write something today but had no other ideas. Except for the weird rom-com movie dream I had this morning that incorporated a few random thoughts of late. I woke up at the end of the 2nd act where the couple have a heart breaking misunderstanding and have been trying to figure out how it ends all day.
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