No one comes to visit like they used to. I remember when I was a kid and people used to come visit and bring cake and cookies and have dinner and stuff.
I know I was often the organiser, the instigator and the social coordinator of my life and those around me. I hadn't realised just how long that had been going on until a friend from high school mentioned it recently when she did come to visit.
One week she brought me dumplings along with chocolates and flowers and the next week she came and shared a cuppa and some cookies. It was lovely. I miss the drop in. To be fair I was housebound and staying at my parents place which is much closer to where she lives than my usual abode. But at least she made the effort. And I appreciate it.
I know a lot of people but how many true friends do I have that I can really depend on. I am a very capable person and I must give the impression that I don't need help. Most of the time this is true. If there is no one around to help you there is no choice but to do it yourself.
Where was everyone when I was physically unable to do things for myself due to recent surgery. (and that is a whole other experience to write about!). I had to really think about how I measure friendship. Interesting that many of my closer friends are in other towns, states and countries. But even they made an effort. I got an amazing care package from Cairns - lollies, snacks, toys, artwork!! It meant a lot, it was effort because that friend couldn't come visit.
My parents would comment on how nice my friends were - the ones that came to visit, sent presents, take me to lunch and even drive me around. "Where are your other friends?", " I thought you were close?" is what they would ask. This made me question the same thing and wonder if I really meant that little to my 'friends'. It made me sad. It also brought up the whole "When are you going to find a new husband to look after you?" conversation.
Now, because I am the single independent friend I am usually the one that does the drop in visit. I go to them. If I didn't I would never see them. A few years back, I consciously stopped organising everything/everyone to see how many social invitations I would actually get if I didn't instigate them. My social life died down a lot! I make the effort to call and visit. I have since rationalised that just because people didn't send me gifts or come visit or offer to help doesn't mean they don't care. But is it just me making myself feel better and to relieve the guilt of 'friends' who didn't make the effort.
Technology has a lot to answer for here. Just think about your choices in communication these days. Facebook reminds you that it is someone's birthday - do you call them, text them, buy them a cake or presents, take them to dinner? Or do you just send them a simple Happy Birthday on Facebook along with a few emojis? We have already lost the drop in, now when was the last time you
called someone on the phone, just for a chat?
