Respect and Appreciation

These are things that matter to me and what makes for a satisfying work life. I realise I have written about this in the past on this blog too - so it must be pretty important to me.

I spent many years working for someone that did appreciate and respect me but didn’t verbalise it. Then I worked with a crew where they said thank you to my face everyday – I was utterly confused by this and thought I was in an alternate reality. I have also experienced unappreciation and disrespect, otherwise why would I be writing about the need for it?

I am the first to tell you that I don’t know everything. Despite everyone treating me like Google. I just know how to appear like I have everything under control. Everyone has something to teach you despite their age, culture, background, experience, sex, politics, religion, sexual preference….. the list goes on. I say everyone I mean EVERYONE!

There are things that I know how to do better than others, that’s why I have started training others. But I walk into class telling them that I don’t know everything and there are things they know better than I do.

If you are going to surround yourself with experience and knowledge appreciate and respect the people and be willing to listen and learn from the experience and knowledge that they bring to your life.

I think this goes a long way in personal relationships too.

My nephews have taught me everything I know about Pokemon,  Octonauts , Minecraft, Angry Birds, The Wiggles and every other trend kids have been into over the past 20 years.

So let me take this opportunity to thank you for stopping to read my little rant for the day. Maybe you can teach me something too.

Addicted to you.

I am on the other side of 40 and addicted to two apps that I may be judged for.  Every one is hooked on Facebook so that is now socially acceptable. So it's not that. No, not Instagram or Twitter either. Anyone attempting to follow me on either of those knows that.

I'm probably a little older than your average Pokemon Go addictee, but hey, don't knock it till you tried it. I tried it, I like it. It adds a little something to a casual walk to the beach or in the park. I am thoroughly engaged with my niece and nephews aged 6-22, and the best bit is trying to get more and better Pokemon than them!! I was SO excited when I managed to score a Pikachu before any of them! Hehehe - evil aunty laugh!! They have been great. The ones with phones are my Pokemon help desk so I can ask stupid questions about how to do stuff in the app. And the little ones play it on my phone and love it. When I saw them for lunch recently I gave them my phone, I had about 30 Pokemon and was level 5. When they gave it back to me at the end of the day I was on level 9 and had over 100 Pokemon including 2 of my favorite Squirtle that admittedly my nephews had to catch for me.  Little bugger kept jumping back out of the pokeball!!

Oh the other app I may be a little addicted to is Tinder. There's a lot of lonely people out there, and the social butterfly in me loves meeting new people! I am house sitting on the central coast and it has taken me a week to wind down and actually want to write. So I jumped on tinder and started chatting to a few different guys.  It was fun and social and kept me occupied during my wind down/ writers block time. I met up with one of them - call it a date if you want, it's just a label for two people hanging out isn't it? It was lovely, he came and picked me up, we went to the local club for dinner, a few drinks and then he dropped me home. Local knowledge is great. He had the day off so we hung out the next day - got Vietnamese rolls and went for a stroll along the water where he got to put up with me catching Pokemon while we chatted. My other mission of late is to find the perfect outfit for my friends 40th birthday party - themed 70's, 80's & 90's. My local guide took me to a few local (and hidden) op shops where I discovered a goldmine of outfits that fit the party's theme. And now I have not one but two costume options. I may need a major haircut though. I could buy a wig but it might be fun to get a fringe cut - can anyone recommend a good hair dresser who won't break the bank? 

So what has my 'research' taught me, and why has it prompted me to want to write this? Damn good question, but can I answer it. Regular readers know how the concept and philosophy of relationships fascinates me. I can't accept the social standard and I struggle to understand the reactions I get to some of my opinions. 

In your 20's - you date who you want and you end up in relationships and believe you are in love. You break up, move on, you get over it. 

In your 30's - people date with the intention of finding 'the one'. You look for potential partners wondering if they would be good parents and if you want to spend your life with them. There is a lot more weight on anyone you 'date' than when you were in your 20s. 

In your 40's - hmm, still learning and observing here but there is a different attitude with guys in their 40's. Guys I meet in their 30's still have hope of finding the one. In your 40's everyone has a past. Marriages, divorces, kids, a number of careers, occupations, addresses and experiences. Many have just given up on the idea of 'the one'. Unlike me, I haven't given up on it, I just don't accept that it exists or understand it. 

Alain de Button is an amazing contemporary philosopher who recently spoke at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas at the Sydney Opera House.
I really admire the way he breaks down his thoughts, the way he organizes them and then how he presents them. It's inspiring. Anyhoo, he has a train of thought that says romanticism has killed marriage. Once upon a time marriage was more of a business or financial transaction. Any girls who have been to Egypt must know how many camels they are worth! You married to get a better life. That's what arranged marriages and match makers are about. Then the romantics came along and decided your life partner was to be decided on by an instinct or feeling. That can only get you so far (definitely to at least 3 months). If a life partnership is to be built, and I am sure any successful pairing will attest to this, it is about more than just a feeling, there's the bills, the logistics, the annoying little habits, the friends and relatives you don't like. I like to think what really tests a relationship (and by this I mean any relationship - romantic, social, business,...) is how you deal with the shit. The boring stuff that goes so far beyond that gut feeling. This is what relationships are built on. Some of the hardest projects that I have worked on have created the firmest bonds in my career and social life. (The mud, the mud, no more mud!)

Opinions. When I tell people I am divorced, most people adopt a sympathetic "I'm sorry, you poor thing" attitude. I always say getting divorced was the best thing my ex and I did after we got married. Divorces can be positive steps in a persons life - it definitely was for me and I am much happier for it. I tell people I was on a tinder date and they react with excitement and joy and maybe a little wink. I'm just meeting someone for coffee, or a walk, I'm not marrying them!! So just chill the f#*k out! Everyone I know is so tied up in their own lives or have moved away, or both. I'm a social being and love meeting new people and both Pokemon go and tinder are great for that - so I'm not giving up coz I gotta catch em all!😉

Sliding Doors

I have had a very emotional week of inactivity and alone time. Yep just me, my laptop and annoyingly slow internet - bummer!

I decided to cyberstalk an Ex of mine only to discover he died a few years ago at the age of 40. What do I find freaky about this? The tragedy of a genuine, kind hearted person having his life cut short at such a young age and me wasting my life writing silly blogs. Or that is was someone that I knew? I will NEVER see him ever again, no chance. It's not that I am upset over losing him, it's tragic yes, but I haven't known him for 10 years now, so it's not like he was a huge part of my life now. In truth it won't effect my daily life at all.

But it has made me think about all the different paths that have been available to me in my life and the decisions I have made that have led me to where I am today - hence the title.

Ponder the what if's, it's the choose your own adventure of your life except you only get one go at it. Every other alternative ends up in a script, a story or maybe even a blog. How would my life be now, if...? Where would I be, what would I be doing, who would I be with, and the big one - would I be happier? Of course I would be happier - they are my fantasies and dreams now so naturally, things are better in them. Though there is also the idea of despite choosing a different path, you still end up in the same place.

For example: If I had somehow ended up with this particular person, maybe he would have died at 40 no matter what and I would still end up single on the other side of 40.  In that case I might not be happier, I think I might be more screwed up than I am now. If we had stayed together over that time, there is a lot I might not have done, people I would not have met, And I would still be me. Well, me with a different set of memories and who's to say in that universe I didn't fantasise about the life I actually had.

Go Ahead - make a choice!

Honest to Blog

2nd of June 2016

I've been a bit down lately - Is it the weather, Is it the not working, Is it my impending birthday later this month? It still starts with a 4 and still no one believes me?!

Do birthday celebrations get longer as you get older? Maybe it's just me? There was a time when you would have one big piss up.. I mean,  party with your mates and that was it. Yay, I'm another year older, it was just an excuse for a party. Now that everyone is time poor and it's so much harder to get all my friends together at the same time without issuing a "Save the date" months in advance, birthday's have stretched into multiple events spread over a week. I had lunch with my Bestie yesterday, the 1st of June, and she insisted on paying saying "It's your birthday." No it's not, it's weeks away. SO it has started even earlier this year.

As you may know I go through a little self assessment around my birthday every year. It pretty much goes along the lines of - "What have you done with yourself this year so far? Is that all? Why haven't you done x yet? Why haven't you done MORE? What are you waiting for? Why are there no men in your life? Why are there so many men in your life? What have you been wasting your time with?" I know - I am my own worst critic. Yeah, capable, strong, independent women can have mental moments of insecurity and self doubt too, ok!

This year I dug deep! It could be due to writing more and trying to define my characters better. So I wondered whether my penchant to surround myself with male friends but not form any sort of intimate relationship with any of them was just my way of protecting my fragile little girlie heart. It's easier and safer to be mates rather than take the chance and risk rejection and pain . Deep huh? but now I don't know if that's actually ME or if it's what I am creating for one of my characters? Very confusing. Schizophrenic inspired Gemini tendencies come to the surface when writing multiple characters in different scripts. I have to learn to think and speak in multiple voices. Finally, all those voices in my head can get get out. Wait, who said that?

Happy 2016!!

Greetings all.

Now traditionally at this time of year I would write a retrospective piece summing up the year that was and how horribly traditional the holiday season can be and how its all a reminder that I am alone and forgot to have kids.  But never being one to do what is expected, or "normal",  I will now write about my accomplishments of 2016 thus far.

I have driven over 250 kms.
I've caught up with family and friends.
Spoken to a dear friend on the other side of the country and another on the other side of the world.
I've laughed, I've cried.
I drank without getting a hangover!
I made $465.00!
I cooked dinner and breakfast for 9 people that I wasn't related to.
Used over 1.4GB of my 2GB of data on my phone.
I have been spat on by a small child.
I managed a yoga bind for the first time ever and did a pretty good head stand.
I have had a newly hatched chicken named after me.
AND I wrote this blog!!

We are only on Day 4 so if this is any indication of the year ahead I guess it's gonna be a big year!!
Gee, I hope I haven't peaked too soon?!

The Curse of the Capable Woman! aka Honey, it's not you, it's me.

The curse is simply the illusion and myth that people seem to have created about me.

This pic has nothing to do with this post - oh well!

People seem to think I am always busy, always happy, constantly surrounded by friends,  and I never need help with anything.

Truth - I often find myself sitting at home alone, dinner for one, TV  for company, knitting and I sometimes accidentally find myself not speaking to anyone for entire days.

Being on your own means finding ways of doing anything and everything on your own.

I don't have people around to help me so if the garbage needs to go out, groceries need carrying in, light bulbs need changing, cleaning, moving furniture - it's all up to me.
With no one to rely on I have to figure out ways to cope, and I do. Always have apparently.

I was told recently that I don't need help or looking after. It's mostly true, but sometimes it would still be nice.

There is only one man in the world who ever got to really know the real me. The me before I put up all the walls and created this overly confident and capable persona. Any one since then gets a version of me but no one will make it to the core. No one will ever meet the same girl, full of hope and dreams, so naive, so fresh. I  feel like I have weathered a few battle scars by now, hardened with age and the war of love, but now immune and desensitised to it.  I used to see it as a sign of weakness. I have watched  a friend of mine fall in and out of love so easily; She would and does give herself so completely into relationships. and its beautiful.  I can't do that.

The sad part is when I sit back and reminisce about some of the "what if's" and "if only's", the men I know who tell me they are my friends, they want to know me and then I eventually find out that they really liked me in a romantic sense . They tell me this when they are married with children, or about to have them, as if I am a priest in a confession booth.  It makes them feel better to have it off their chests, it pumps my ego for a while and then they go back to play happy families and I go back to my hermit hole in my beautiful beachside apartment. I don't get it?

After 20 years on the dating scene a marriage, a divorce and a few heartbreaks I have decided to take a little responsibility and accept that maybe it really is me and not them.

Over the years I've had a number of male companions who have never quite made it to boyfriend status. I know it's just a word and a label but no matter what we were doing it was shrugged off as "just casual" or "nothing serious" or however else you want to label it. Guys that told me they weren't interested in having a girlfriend or a serious relationship who went on to get girlfriends and have serious relationships shortly after our friendships diminished and fizzled.

Here's the catch - I meant what I said. Did they? Were they just saying it because they though it would make me happy and that that's how you are supposed to treat women and that I would come round in the end because ALL women want is a relationship? I don't think I ever really wanted it and now don't even know if I would be capable of it. You see it's a curse...

The Bondi Slums

What is happening to Bondi Junction??

We always see Bondi and the Eastern Suburbs as full of the young, the beautiful, the rich, the privileged and let's not forget the  yummy mummies I do yoga with. Most in the neighbourhood usually fit into one or more of these categories.

For the past week on my way to the gym sleeps a homeless man in the old Bing Lee shop front. He is pretty set up with his shopping trolley as his bed head, his milk crate bed and  little cup of coins. But I have only ever seen him sleeping, usually with head buried under his blanket or huddled up towards the wall. Its a busy street for buses and pedestrians so I understand him tying to turn away from the hustle and bustle. Today I saw his face, he looks inches 20's, but hard to tell under the scruffy head of hair and beard. Not sure what to make of it and definitely not a sight familiar with that area of Bondi Junction. I think I found why he has just appeared there and I think this is a photo of him in this article from last week.  Bondi Culling

Today, running late for my morning yoga, a man in the street turns to me asking for help. He has blood running down his face from a blow to the head and staining his jacket. I ask if he is ok and try to get him to go to the pharmacy next door where he can get some medical attention. He is not interested and wants money to make a phone call to go home so he can clean up. All I can think of is my refreshed first aid training "any head injuries must go to the hospital". I try again to encourage him to the pharmacy where there is a phone and assumedly trained first aiders. I am also aware that I am running late to my class that I really want to get to. He is starting to get a little aggressive and not one other person has stopped to help me or him despite his appearance. I apologise and walk off, because the first thing in first aid training is protecting yourself and getting permission to provide first aid. As I walk off I hear a string of profanities pour and continue to pour from this disgruntled man.

No one around me said anything about him or even seemed to noticed him. What is wrong with people today?!

I made it to my class but it was hard to stop my mind reeling with questions of should I have tried harder to help him, what could I have done? I would have felt a lot more guilty if I hadn't heard his reaction to me deciding not to help him. If another passerby, preferably male and much bigger than me, stopped to help I may have been more inclined to stay and help. I try not to be too judgemental but in the interest of preserving my own health, I think I made the right decision in walking away from the big angry man with blood on his face.

Again - a very unfamiliar sight in Bondi Junction that leads me to ask the question "What is happening to Bondi Junction and the society we live in?"