Merry Christmas vs Bah, Humbug?!

I should say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all but I'm afraid it wouldn't be very sincere right now. I wish you all well,but I don't have the energy for a hearty, upbeat and cheery greeting.

The Christmas Spirit has had a little trouble finding me this year.
I had the usual lunch at my parents place surrounded by family, food and lots of lego (nephews) but having worked (and i use this term loosely as there was no financial gain) almost 22 days straight, possibly more, depending on where you wish to draw the line - excuse me if I am a little exhausted.

What was I so busy with??

I went to Dubbo for 17 days to work in some very muddy and unexpectedly cold conditions and I chose to sandwich that project with 2 short film projects - one of which was my very own where I had the thrill and honour to work with a much loved comedian from my younger days.

These little red boots were new and virginal on Day One in Dubbo. The photo to the left is what they spent most of the next 17 days looking like. I put them to rest in Dubbo as they had started to crack and die on me (photo to right).
They did me well and I was sad to see them go.  RIP little red boots!

And YES, I went to the Zoo in my  "downtime".   GO TEAM ZOO!!!


I got home form Dubbo on Monday night (after about a week of night shoots, so my body was kinda jet lagged) I spent the next 2 days set dressing and finalising all the requirements for my own project which I shot with friends on Thursday, Friday was running around between an Editor and de-dressing my set/location. Friday night - me time, so I did my grocery shopping and started cleaning the house, Saturday a deluxe car wash  while I finished my Christmas shopping, then home to cookie baking, present wrapping and a bottle of Sparkling Shiraz. ;-)

So, Christmas has felt like a bit of a chore and to be honest for a single woman in her late 30's,  it can suck a little. What does Christmas mean to you? It is a time to be surrounded by family, friends, and celebrating with loved ones. I have an amazing seafood meal with family and give gifts to those close to me - which is lovely but on the other side it can be a bit of a reminder of what I don't have. Oops, I have a career and an apartment in the eastern suburbs, did I forget to have a family? I am happy with who I am and the choices I have made in my life to get me to where I am but I am also home alone writing this blog on Christmas night. Nuff said.

I don't write this for your sympathy or your pity - it's simply what is in my head right now.

This week I also found proof that I can sleep walk - it was pretty freaky!!

love what you do!

I'm sure no one missed me last week. I have been in Dubbo for work playing in the mud.

This is the only industry I know where people are willing to work so hard and not get paid - and why? Because we love it!!!

Passion. I am SO lucky to have a job that I really enjoy. I am spending 12 hours running around in sun, rain, dirt, mud, day, night, hot and cold with people who are just as in love with what they do and it is great being surrounded by like minded people.

If you are a regular reader here you will know how miserable i got when i took the office job. never again. I'm sticking to doing what I know and love. AND it's always different project by project, always new challenges.

I don't have a lot on my mind right now other than being very busy with my passion until early next year and beyond. I will probably have more to say towards the end of the year. I tend to start reassessing things again. With a birthday in June and then new years, i do this quite regularly - where am i? what have i done with myself and what's the next step.

I'm excited at the moment - it can only get better, right. life is good.

The Island

Do you remember the line in "Stand By Me" - I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?

 

My 12 yr old friends were pretty special but I think I have been lucky enough to experience it again at 30.

When I was 30 - we had the ISLAND. We were all young and single and having fun. It was a bit like the show "Friends". We would have weekly adventures that would involve all of us, some weeks more focused on some characters and less on others, regular special guests and lots of bit parts and extras who you can't remember the names or faces of anymore. There were a few intergroup hook ups - some that lasted, some that didn't. It was during a surge of reality TV where people were voted off if they weren't liked enough. We developed an easy way to explain what someones relation to the group was by using this ISLAND analogy. There were the key players - we were citizens of the island. If you were a new friend to the island but we weren't sure about you yet - your visa was awaiting approval. Short term boy/girl friends - temporary residents. Friends who were in but we just didn't see as often - permanent residents who could come and go as they pleased. But if you crossed us, ba-bom - voted off and you were no longer welcome on our island.

The island over time - like the land masses on this earth that separated out to form the continents - has also spread out into satellite islands. Most are married, getting married or co-habitating with partners - they have their own little islands now. Me? I have my own little island and the best boat - coz I tend to be the one that goes and visits everyone. No one's island is quite big enough to get us all on it anymore and I can't remember the last time we all saw each other. I don't even know if that time was as special to them as it was to me. I like to believe it was coz I am still very close to them all, I just don't see them every week like we did back then.

I miss the times I had a close group of friends I could rely on. Now I have a little hermit shack on my little island. I visit the other islands from time to time, and have new networks of islands that I spend time on. Can't wait to see who I might meet at age 50!!

Another big week!

I actually got through quite a bit this week - despite also procrastinating a hell of a lot.
If I want to get fit then I need to exercise - this means going to the beach and swimming. But Y'know, it's been a while so I have to take it easy. And after a good little swim I need to recoup by lying in the sunshine on the sand for a bit. I wasn't lazing at the beach or procrastinating - i was "exercising". There you go - justified.

Loving the whole "working for myself" thing. I do what i want when i want.

How can I be so incredibly busy yet feel so incredibly lazy at the same time. Is that a contradiction?
Maybe if I wasn't so lazy, I'd actually get everything done and therefore wouldn't feel stupid busy.
Been sleeping in, got a new car stereo installed, did a chunk of Christmas Shopping (YAY - toys are us!!), did Sculptures by the sea, caught up with mates and made some new old connections.

Things are so disposable these days. I buy a new pair of Havaianas every year, cars aren't made to last much more than 5 years, financial records only have to be kept for 5 years, I disposed of my marriage after only 3 years, I work freelance contracts.  Everything is disposable. BUT beware - Things have a tendancy to come around again.

I have been making new connections with people from my past this week. I got an email from someone from the very beginning of my career 18 years ago asking me to work on his new project, and I also found someone I worked with back in 96 by the pure coincidence of doing a small favour for a friend. Very Random! People remember you - it can be good and bad - but so far it's been good for me.

I really need to reduce my alcohol intake of late (I blame you ROB!) I have been drinking like I am on holidays - ie Often.  The other downfall is the saturday morning sleep in and hangover which means you don't get your ass to the beach until all the bloody tourists have set up camp.

HIGHLIGHTS
HINKY DINKS - highly recommended small bar at 185  Darlinghurst Road.  I had a Dinky 5-0 cocktail. So yeah, a funky 60's decor with cool cocktail names, little kitchen containers like my mum has and they have a mini popcorn maker!! So much fun. But get in early - they close at midnight.

BANK ACCOUNT - A hefty surprise pay out from the corporate job that i quit. Happy Bank account! :-)

So there you go - my priorities and what makes me happy - alcohol, money and cute popcorn makers!

What a Smurferific Week I've had!!

Wow, What a week!!!

Let's see: -
1. finished up at soul sapping job, got lovely bunch of flowers and big box of Malteasers.
2. got to go to post office for not 1 but 2 parcels: A- my smurfs have come back to me, and B - Halloween card form Vancouver.
3. beach swim and brunch with fellow beach bum
4. had huge overdue catchup with a bestie that involved a bottle of Peterson's sparkling shiraz
5. a very entertaining friday night out with a mate
6. a surprise visit from the desert
7. lots of beach and swimming in the ocean
8. Another healthy birth of a little baby girl
9. huge win on my own short film
10. and today, i am having home made congee.

So what do you want to hear about? I want to tell stories of my Friday night out at many venues around Sydney city with a male friend as opposed to previous prowl nights out with the girls. It's a different dynamic and you get a very different take on things.

From suits out on Friday night drinks at Customs house, to intimate cocktails at Stitch, to a Frenchman telling me about how dark rum is a man's drink and girls can't handle it, to meatmarket and dam good boogie at Marble Bar.

When with a group of girls, they tend to encourage meeting new people and paying individual men special attention whether you really want to or not. With a male friend, the slightest sign that says "I'm not really into this guy" and my friend will finish his drink and announce "C'mon were getting outta here." The other noteworthy thing is the funny look people get just before asking that crucial "Is he your boyfriend?" question, and then the actions they take as soon as you say no, he's not my boyfriend. Seriously,  does pulling a girl in closer and trying to kiss her neck at lightning attack speed really give you the right impression? To be fair - it did convey his message loud and clear and I knew exactly what he was after. Though do you really keep trying when a girl has moved off with her "minder" to the other bar and then points out that you have been trying the same thing on a good dozen other girls in the same venue. Shut Down Dude!!

I was also privvy to the male mind of dating this weekend. Rules and games of numbers, going solo vs the two man wingman approach, having to "take one for the team" and keep the friend occupied (esp difficult if she is less attractive) and if there are too many guys then the focus changes from picking up chicks to getting drunk with the lads.
Silly me - all this time I just wanted to hang out with friends and enjoy their company and have some fun. I never knew it was this complicated!

Have a Smurfy week my friends!!
(and yes the Smurfs in the photo are mine and they are original!, am I showing my age again?)

In the Pursuit of Happiness

hmmm, another sunday night of late night blurry headed blogging.

Let's see - being at work form 8am to 11 pm is supremely wrong!
Summer is on it's way but the water is still pretty cold.
Why the need to partner up? - I still don't understand it.

Happiness - it's all anyone wants isn't it?

I was unhappy in my marriage - so I took the necessary steps to make myself happier - I got a divorce.
I was unhappy in my job - so I took the necessary steps to make myself happier - I quit.
But am I happy? I'm content.

I went to a party on Saturday night - I think I was the oldest person there. I shouldn't be hung up on this , but I am very aware of it this year. I don't look my age, I don't think I ever will. So when it comes to coupling up and meeting people I generally get approached by people about 10 years younger than me when based on looks. Then you start talking to them and it soon becomes abundantly clear that we are not in the same place in our lives. House parties and nights out just feel like I have been here before about 10 years ago and I pretend to belong and fit into this world.

Same goes for if I hang out with my married friends. backyard BBQ's surrounded by couples and kids running everywhere. I feel like I don't quite fit there either.

So I keep looking.

I don't know know if I will ever be completely happy. I am happy with where I am in my life, who I am and things a I have achieved, but I will always want more. It's just my nature.

the kids are alright!

There are days when I roll my eyes in disbelief at the younger generation.

I hate to admit it but yes I am of an age where I can legitimately say that. I have been (un)fortunate enough this past year to work with a lot of early 20something people and have been quite taken aback at their attitude. The over confidence and the "Why can't I do what you do?" attitude. It is a huge generalisation and of course it is always just a few rotten apples that spoil the whole bunch.

Was it the same when I was that age? Maybe I was that cocky kid once upon a time too.

I overheard a young couple on what I think may have been their first date in a restaurant this week.
28 is apparently "SO old", and this young med student didn't understand why doctors look like they do (ie tired). She believed that doctors should look better than everyone else. WTF?! All I could think was - she has no idea what a hard days work is does she. Then I put a few other clues together - Bondi, comes from money, Jewish - she hasn't done a hard days work in her short short life ever!!!

And then there are times the younger generation come through and really surprise me.

I'd like to tell you how proud I am of my niece and how honoured I feel to have been an influence in her life. I love being an aunt and it could be all I have if I never get around to having kids of my own.

My niece went to Thailand with a school program to head into the villages near Chang Mai and help them build basic facilities. It was an amazing experience for her and I am so glad she had the opportunity. She and her friends helped the village build 2 water towers in 5 days!! They ate local food and played with the kids and experienced a culture completely removed from their own - bathing in the river, squat toilets, a foreign language, sleeping on the floor of a hut while being eaten alive by mosquitos.

They did find some time to shop - as all good teenage girls should. She bargained with market stall owners on jewellery and souvenirs. She happily wore what she could tonight at dinner and brought presents for her grandparents and 3 younger nephews. She was not prompted by anyone to do this, just did it because she wanted to. And that impressed me too.