R-E-S-P-E-C-T

WARNING: I am sure this will offend some people. Sorry but it's where I'm at right now, deal with it!


Why can't you people leave me alone!!

My sleep last night was bookended by late night texts from people trying to book me in or change plans  for THIS MORNING(!?) and an early morning phone call inviting me to breakfast. The only acceptable phone calls after midnight are 1) In case of emergency, 2) Im out drinking with you and can't find you, 3) international callers who have difficulty figuring out time zones. 4) and booty calls, I guess. Dunno, been a while since I have had such shallow a relationship.

I'm all for spontaneity but what happened to the days when you used to say "Meet me at the Town Hall steps 3 days from now at midday.", and without any further communication, you could rely on that person to be there?? Technology happened! Mobile phones, text messaging, internet, social media...etc, the list goes on. Don't get me wrong I am not one to leave my iPhone far from arms reach at any time of the day. (which would explain why late night and early morning messages bug me, I know, I could simply turn off the phone but then I would have nothing to complain about).

I think a culmination of events yesterday was enough to tip me over the edge. That and being a few days away from turning 40!. Every year, without fail I think I get depressed around my birthday. It's another milestone for me to measure up to. I contemplate what I have achieved in the past year and it usually depresses me. I am my own worst judge. There is little to complain about in my life - I own a home, I am fit and able bodied, and I have family and friends .  Maybe I should just aim lower and achieve satisfaction. I DO appreciate what I have and am very proud of many of my achievements, but I always expect a little more of myself and I always will, so this leaves me disappointed.

Age is but a number but people around you, society, media, basically everywhere you look has its opinion of where you should be in life and what you should have achieved by certain ages. Maybe I spent too much time rebelling against the norm as a teenager and got too good at it and it stuck. I may not be alone but I am definitely a minority. It amuses me that so many tv shows about young, hip n sexy singles end with characters getting married or having kids. Think about Friends, Sex in the City and sadly even 30 Rock. I take this to mean either

1.All anyone wants is to get married and have kids. Once this goal is reached there is nothing left to say - Happy ever after.

OR

2. Life after marriage and children isn't interesting enough to carry a series.

Look at what they did to poor Joey on Friends. All the other characters got partners, weddings, kids and a house in the burbs. Joey moves to LA for his career, stagnates as a 2 dimensional character and flops in his own TV show. I'm being a bit harsh here - I never really gave it a go, and I don't research what I write on here at all.

But I am sick of being so accommodating to everyone else around me. I get the impression that people assume I have more time on my hands because I am single and unshackled by partner or offspring, but then they also seem to think I am always busy and 'going out'. I spent Friday at home cooking up a storm (wontons, gyoza and salsa), and last night I stayed up watching multiple movies on tv. Yes, I love that I can do that whenever I feel like it but that's my life, ok!

Ever thought about why I blog? It's therapy for me. Cheaper than a shrink and easier to get time with my laptop that it is to find a friendly shoulder to cry on. (boo hoo, poor me!!)

I just want a little respect and reward for my time and efforts, is that too much to ask?

Lonliness vs Tolerence

I stole this title from Sean Hughes  and it has always stuck with me.

The concept of Loneliness vs Tolerance - Everyone is going to annoy you in some way, right? So in order to be able to hang out with people we decide who we can tolerate more and therefore avoid Loneliness. Give up tolerance and you will end up alone. I need to work on my tolerance.

It's a beautiful and romantic idea to think that there are people out there that you will never find any fault with. Realistically, that's kind of delusional. I married my now ex husband because there was no one I knew that could make me angrier than he did. I figured I must love him coz he annoyed me so much. 
I have been catching myself feeling a little lonely these days.
Friends don't call as often, no one just pops by for a cuppa, it's all so much effort. People think I am always SO busy. I think it is because I don't have a regular schedule and am therefore often busy when others are not. Often the busier I am, the more alone I can feel.  I'll find myself mid week finally getting a break, wanting to chill and having no one to do this with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming others for forgetting me, its probably my own fault of playing all my cards a little too close to my chest all these years and not letting anyone in to see the real me in here. You'd think someone might have figured it out by now.

It amuses and intriegues me that some people think I would be happy and all my problems would be solved if only I would find that 'special someone'. Sure, it would help, but trust me , there is so much else in my life that I am questioning right now that the 'special someone' would just be a small percentage. If there is someone out there who can allow me time and money to travel and write and to be selective of the projects I work on while being completely supportive of everything I do and eat all the food I cook without getting too fat then bring it on.

Damn it why am I never satisfied. I am so lucky to have everything that I do have and yet it's still not enough. As much as I am ok with being on my own,  I do entertain the idea of sharing my life with someone. Here's where another part of my brain pipes up and says - " who says we are supposed to end up with one person anyway?". This part of my brain says other things too but she doesn't always make a lot of sense. And that's a topic for a whole other blog entry, I'm sure.

Hoping this isn't too morbid.  I am fine to anyone who wishes to ask. I actually started this blog idea in August last year and I needed to write something today but had no other ideas. Except for the weird rom-com movie dream I had this morning that incorporated a few random thoughts of late. I woke up at the end of the 2nd act where the couple have a heart breaking misunderstanding and have been trying to figure out how it ends all day.

A teenage crush

I had one of the most awesome nights last night coz I went to see Paul McDermott perform live at the Enmore theatre. I didn't realise how many people didn't realise he sang because they only know him from Good News Week and a few comedy festival debates. My memories date back a little further to a little troupe named the Doug Anthony All Stars and a show called The Big Gig. (Yes, I am that old! why won't anyone believe me?)

In My University Days back in 199*ahem*1, I remember everyone wanting to watch Twin Peaks. Everyone, except me, that is. You see it clashed with The Big Gig on the ABC so I never did get into David Lynch - with no regret here either. I later managed to find a household of people (Gilpin St - you know who you are) who shared this opinion. We went on to attend almost every DAAS gig we could get to. I like to think they actually started to recognise us. We even had a few singalongs in the living room to some of their songs. Ahh...good times.

I have been fortunate enough to work with a few of my favourites from the show, namely Flacco/Paul Livingston and Jean Kittson. I turn into a bit of a fan chick here. When Paul Livingston agreed to do my short film "Kerplonk" ( http://vimeo.com/36690263) and told me that he thought it was well written I was over the moon. After I hung up from our first phone conversation I squealed and jumped around the room. And I am not a squealer, though I have been known to bounce around rooms. And the lovely Jean Kittson did a few guest spots on the show I work on. The dilemma here is that I need to act professional and feel it may compromise my reputation if I giggle and gush too much over her. It may have been a little embarrassing for all if I started quoting all her characters back to her.

Anyhoo, I digress. Paul McDermott Sings!
Swoon -  In over 20 years, the man still has it! Brillant cheeky stage presence, comic timing and that beautiful voice brings a lot of memories flooding back.

I immediately wanted to go back and dig out all my Doug Anthony All Star footage from about 20 years ago. He hasn't changed much, he is still very charasmatic and a little bit naughty. After only an hour on stage he moved us out into the foyer of the Enmore theatre for a 2 song encore. Here , he shone. Back to the old busking days! Very intimate and informal but packed. I managed to perch myself on the wrong side of the stairs and capture it all on video with my trusty iPhone. GOLD!!

He was quickly swamped by fans to get photos with him the minute he finished. Unfortunately I didn't get a photo with him but I did shake the hand of the legendary Ted Robinson who is the man responsible for making Paul McDermott a house hold name in this country. I thanked him for bringing DAAS, The Big Gig and Paul Mc Dermott into my life over the past 20 odd years. I also told him that Paul Livingston did my short film a few years ago and then I hit him up for a job. Is it sad that I found this moment just as satisfying as if I had met Paul?

And now I sit here typing with the DVD of the show playing under this window on my laptop reliving all those memories.

Family

WARNING - not just another diary entry. From the heart and personal with a question to leave you all pondering.

If you are a regular reader then you will know a few things.
1. when I started this I didn't quite realise just how many people could see it. It still surprises me when people comment to me about my blog.
2. I am the black sheep on one side of my family (or maybe both, i'm not sure.)

I got special request (i was told by a cousin - you know who you are!) that I should write about seeing all my cousins this past weekend.

What I did I do this weekend? - I saw my cousins - on my Dad's side.
We gathered at a family home in the suburbs. Beer and BBQ birthday celebration. Yummy grilled chicken, face painting and children running everywhere. Reminiscent of scenes from our own youth.

We all grew up very closely. Everyone came to our place because my grandfather lived with us - the pool and my mothers hospitality and need to feed people was just a bonus.

I recently (finally) transferred all our family super 8 footage to digital format and had a weekend of memories and nostalgia with my immediate family. (yes - I will do  a cousins' edit and get you all DVDs. EDIT - Coz I don' t think any one needs to see me having a bath when I was 3 - I'd destroy it but I was just so damn cute!). There are visual memories of my extended family gathered for birthdays at our house, cousins running around playing together at the playground or in the pool and huge family picnics that we used to do quite regularly. Embarrassingly, yes this includes one of my Brother's favourite memories of 3 of us performing Abba songs on the picnic table in the park (no names necessary)

These days I don't see them very often and I felt that we had drifted apart. Many of them are still quite close, so I guess it was just me. Y'know how families get together for weddings and funerals and similar significant big family functions. We haven't had either of these in our family for a long long time. I think mine was the last wedding and we all know the end to that story (if you don't scroll back through past blogs and follow the clues). I digress. Coincidentally many of these cousins weddings occurred at the same time as I was living overseas. I was invited (i think) but was not in the same country so missed out on the introduction and acceptance of their spouses to the family. This means I don't know their spouses very well and therefore, their children.

This side of my family is very different to the other side;  conservative is not a word I would use to describe them and I think they are much more "Aussie" than my mother's side. The only real link to our cultural heritage is our appearance and our love and appreciation for food. Despite this I still feel like a bit of a black sheep. I don't completely belong here either. I don't know these people, not anymore anyway. We have some amazing shared memories and history but it's been well over 20 years since we all played together. Is that enough? We still care about each other and it's comfortable enough when we do see each other. We are not part of each other's daily lives but we will never be completely separated either - is it simply because we are genetically tied or is there some significance in the early childhood memories that we shared?

I honestly cannot answer this question. But I know the memories are strong and very precious to us all because of the way we talk about them AND because my cousin's new house has a big pool and yard for all the kids to run around in so they can have the opportunity to create the same kind of memories that bond my cousins all  together. So I guess I did answer the question.

told you i was cute!

it's been a while

random balloon i found tied to a car

I know my blogs have been fewer and further between posts but I've been a busy little monkey, ok?
No, not ok - I can't accept that as an excuse.
I originally set out to write every week for a year and I did that already so anything I write now is just a bonus. Let's see, last year munkysay went quiet because I was working my little munkybutt off and didn't have much to say coz my munky brain was fried. The January blog is good and saw me at the beach a lot and making the most of Summer in Sydney. The Byron Bay Blog is ok but I didn't really like it so I didn't push it on Facebook.

Now, I am still between projects and keeping very busy developing some of my own projects. The weather is changing and I am less motivated to get to the beach coz my hair and swimmers don't dry as fast as they used to and I don't like being damp. With no regular income I have had to give a few things up - like the gym. That wasn't a tough decision. I didn't really fit with the whole eastern suburbs-ness of the gym I was going to. And I think I only like the classes because someone tells me what to do for an hour so my brain gets a rest. But I have a few other things in mind that I should try. I trapezed again and learnt 2 new tricks - one that I can do and another that I will need to work on.

Kids parties - I have been to 2 of my nephews birthday parties recently. The first one was a tribe of 7 year olds running around a playground. I was stupidly hungover but managed to make lots of balloon swords for them. I made a conscious effort to NOT attend the next one hungover despite the cocktail night beforehand. Considering it was a rock climbing party and I was to be a responsible belaying adult I thought I should have my wits about me. Someone needs to teach these kids the terrible effects of excess alcohol don't they? Would you rather they did it themselves??

glowsticks in the caves

Anyhoo, the kid I was belaying didn't like heights so made 2 attempts, then went for the caves. I was free. So I did a climb. I cannot remember the last time I climbed but it was with a friend who is no longer a friend so it's been about 5 years maybe? Well, I am claiming that it was higher than any I had climbed before. about halfway up I am thinking, "do i really want to be here?". But I carried on and made it to the top then looked back to my ant looking belayer and came back down. Apparently I looked confident and capable enough but I also made the decision that I don't need to do that again. Trapeze I like, Rock climbing I can live without. So let's try the caves. No, let's not. Some of them are pitch black and involve squeezing yourself through narrow gaps and contorting your body into unnatural positions. I did 2 of the easy tunnels with my 3 year old nephew - even that involved darkness and some comando crawling on my part.

always time for cocktails

Moving on - I went nuts selling lots of stuff online. I have been doing lots of cleaning out and chucking out of what can only be described as stuff. I got our family super 8 film converted to digital format. This has led to a trip down nostalgia lane. And to me having to tidy it up and do a little editing.

I went to a hen's night. Another social ritual that baffles me a bit but there was a hot guy taking his clothes off in front of me so I didn't mind at all. Nights out with cocktails and or beer. Some that got me in trouble but not nearly as much trouble as i would have liked.





I made wontons - sorry no photos - you've seen them before on here. Due to my money saving tactics I have not been eating out much and cooking lots more which is great. I think I'm making Thai beef salad tonight.

I am writing lots and actually logged on here to get some material. (cheat!) There may be more coming later this year as I hit the big 4-0 and my friends are insisting on throwing a party for me and also reminded me that I had this great idea to put together a photo exhibit for my 40th and they are holding me to it.

So much to do!!!!! And so much time to do it in right now - Noice.

BBBB?

Byron Bay Beach Blog

I have been here a week and barely seen the beach for the rain. 

– that is the beach blog.

The Byron Bay Blog - one less B.

I have been in Byron a week and had a very full week of films, seminars, schmoozing and food.

I came up for the Byron Bay International Film Festival this year because my short film KERPLONK (http://vimeo.com/36690263) screened in the Primary School program. Over 4 days it screened to hundreds of local kids and I had great questions from them all afterwards. They would tell me about short films they made and where to find them on youtube and that my film was the funniest and they hope to see me next year. 

We screened in Lismore on Tuesday and then road tripped out to Nimbin. So while wondering around the shops in the afternoon I got recognised by some school kids who saw the film in the morning. That was my 15 mins of celebrity.

I get to walk around with a VIP pass around my neck and am getting to know lots of people involved with the festival. Not a lot of time for a ‘holiday’ as most people would define it but great to be out of Sydney and I am loving it. I am busier up here with the festival than I was the week before I left Sydney. Unfortunately I will be desperately looking for work when I go back home in a few days.

Last weekend seems so far away and so much has happened, met so many people. It’s been really inspirational and I have a few leads to follow up on and more meetings to set up.

What have I learnt?

- it's all who you know. People don't forget you.

- Lismore Star Court Theatre is beautiful.

- Nimbin is really laid back but there really isn’t much to do there -  it's a day trip then move on.

- I tasted Achacha - a south american fruit, thanks to a stranger at the Rainbow cafe.

- I am a very good cook and will never go hungry.

- the lighthouse is further away than I thought

- Don't go fishing in potholes

2012 wrap up and My Summer Holidays

I had 3 weeks off this summer. It's nice when you have something to start up on again. But I will be unemployed, ahem, I mean, "between projects" again in a few weeks.

Sydney Trapeze School

2012 was a pretty busy year mostly working on back to back shows and it was gone before I knew it. I learnt to stand up for myself and noticed more confidence in work me. Social me got out too - the people I drink and party with now are about 10-15 years younger than me?! and I hold my own, so there! Romance...pfft! So I tried internet dating - thats beyond a blog, its going to become an episode of a series I want to write. I visited friends in Perth, went to Alice Springs and Uluru and saw my name on the big screen. I made new friends and said goodbye to friends who have left Sydney.

So what did I get up to on my Summer Holidays?
Well I finished up with some spectacular stunts and car smashes on Saturday 22nd, I always love my Stuntie days! We had to finish on time so we could all get to our own Christmas party at one of my fav restaurants in town - Cafe Paifico. This might have something to do with it being notorious for having the largest variety of Tequillas in Sydney. Hmmm... maybe. So despite the  tequila, I needed to behave that night. So I left at midnight sending the rest of the party off in taxis to the next venue.

Scallops at Dedes

The next day I  had my Mother's Birthday lunch at Dede's in Abbotsford. A lovely seafood restaurant and I am impressed I managed to scrub up ok and get there on time - though I think I taught my nephews something about hangovers that day.

What next? A trapeze class with my niece at Sydney Trapeze Schools outdoor rig in Centennial Park. AWESOME! It's been well over a year since I first tried this and apparently you don't forget and I am pretty good at it (if I don't say so myself).  A late lunch in Kingsford then home to spend Christmas Eve baking Christmas cookies.


Christmas lunch as always at my parents place. Just a simple meal of prawns, oysters, smoked salmon, ham and lobster (again! I had lobster at Dedes too!) And then PRESENTS!!! You know you did well when the kids play with their toys immediately. It rained all day Christmas this year. We would normally go swimming, and I got the boys water related presents. No pool so they went for the bathroom sink! It was kinda like skating on the tiles after we managed to pull the plug and extract them from the water world they had created. Oh - I had to go coz I had a few people over that night. I have no idea what we did that night but I had 2 houseguests and we all got burnt the next morning lazing by the swimming pool. I was just trying to even out the horrible t-shit and singlet tan I got from months of working outdoors! All i did that day was burn my cleavage - ouch! It peeled and everything but all looks good now, in case you were wondering.

Coogee Sparkles

No rest for the wicked! So as much as I love entertaining, maybe I needed some time to myself. Well that was going to have to wait. I had a surprise visit from a friend. I won't go into too much detail but it involved flights to/from Columbia, Melbourne and Perth and early lifts to the airport. You know who you are - I love you but you did leave me with a migraine. You see a mutual friend was also in town so I had not only 1 house guest but 2. Luckily the new couch got delivered just before Christmas and I haven't yet gotten rid of the old couch - so enough comfy places for everyone to sleep. Unfortunately , it felt like I spent a lot of my 'down time' washing bedding.

I think that pretty much takes me up to New Years Eve. Everyone seemed really non-committal this year. I stayed local and watched the 9pm family fireworks on the beach and then drank at a local establishment and welcomed in the new year with a random bunch of people we met.

And the January weeks have raced by in a blur involving beaches, movies, showing up at the gym that takes my money every month, a night out at the Sydney Festival Spiegeltent watching Frank Woodley in INSIDE and an amazing vege lasagne dinner party.

So back at work now and a forced day off helped by a beautifully sunny day and the use of my Christmas massage voucher by the sea.