Nothing!!!

Pt 1

Doing nothing is harder than you think. Well for me it is. It's quite a challenge, seems I have forgotten how to 'have a life' in one month where I gave a little too much of myself to a project. Seriously - what happened? What the f#*k am I doing with myself? I find myself going days without speaking to anyone and I can survive without leaving my house too. Don't worry, I find it odd too. It's been about 10 days since I finished up completely. I justify it to myself by saying that I deserve the down time and there is nothing wrong with spending a day on the couch doing a series marathon of Avatar- the legend of Korra, and/or other movies I have waiting for me. Then there is the cooking, and the eating! I either need to curb the eating or start burning a hell of a lot more energy on a daily basis. I go to the gym, but I'm starting to get bored with it. I'm so edgy right now! Gotta find a new challenge - any suggestions? Hmm... Too many damn options. I have good and bad days. I was pretty restless today, but thanks to iPad I am writing this with a cup of tea in the sun down at a beachside cafe. So I have until the battery dies coz I forgot to charge it. Still trying to work this into my daily life. This is a damn good start - me likey! I can go anywhere, do anything - but the choice is so vast.

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Pt 2
Nothing seemed like an appropriate title this week.
It nearly became "Nothing or What to do when you find out your ex is getting remarried"
It was a bit of a surprise coz I found out via facebook thanks to mutual friends commenting on his photo of his betrothed with an actual engagement ring on her hand. Sorry, I'm allowed to be a little bitter there coz he never actually gave me a ring that I could wear. So if that is anything to go on, hopefully he has learnt a thing or two about relationships and how to be a decent husband.
Anyhoo, when I first read the news I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Society tells me I should be upset, but I wasn't really, so I became confused. I spoke to a few friends about it and they all think he should have had the decency to give me a heads up so as not to find out through other people. It has been over 3 years since we separated and about 2 since we last saw each other. We are not in each others lives anymore, there are people who know us both and there are photos of a time when we knew each other. I can honestly say if the roles were reversed, I don't know if I would feel the need to tell him about it either. So my answer to the question of What to do when you find out your ex is getting remarried? is NOTHNG, hence the appropriateness of this weeks title.

But on a much more fun note - what I got up to this week - visited a friend in Newcastle, stopped by the Hunter Valley to stock up on some faves, spent lots of play time with nephews at the beach in the beautiful weather, started kick boxing (loving it, mostly coz I'm not as sore as I thought I should be), booked a flight to Perth, decided to shoot the next film at the end of the year and had the satisfaction of putting together a few IKEA pieces for a friend.

Withdrawal...

Back of my car at the end of shoot

Withdrawal from early morning alarms and being on for 12 hours a day, withdrawal from my daily can of V addiction, withdrawal from seeing the same dozen people all day every day, withdrawal from putting everything in my life on hold simply for a job?!

Good and bad - as you can see I am full of mixed emotions. It is very lucky I like what I do for a living, and I have the pleasure of working with a crew that have become a very odd little family of sorts.

I get a little lonely after finishing up on all consuming projects. It's no surprise after spending a month or more of having at least a dozen people depend on me to be there and to have the answers to everything and to make things happen, I get a little lost when I suddenly find an abundance of time for ME! Oh how I have missed me!

I have cleaned my house, done all my washing, caught up with friends and family, I'm going to cook food that I want to eat, I'm catching up on admin, i may get my taxes done early, I've been back to the gym, been to the movies, I've had afternoon naps and I even spent a few hours reading a book today!!!!!

Still so much to do!!

Gotta find a new job for 1 - though my career has been feeling a little stuck lately. It's not bad, I'm freelance and I've been working - so that is good. But I need to figure out the next step. Just like me to never be satisfied with what i have and to always want bigger and better. Me in my career, my relationships, my life, but alas too lazy to do much about it. Damn this ambition! I often think if I wasn't so ambitious I might actually be happy and stay happy. Sooner or later i start to get bored with the same ole same ole. It's taken me a while to realise this after the divorce mind you, and a little longer again to do anything about it. I'm surprised it took so much out of me - see, I am human!

I find myself with many options in front of me, but I am unsure which one to chase and my need to wait a little to see if some fall away while others become a little more prominent in my life.

So til then I will continue to enjoy the ME time and see what happens next.

I went to a birthday party yesterday. A very important one for a boy in my life who adores me and who I just can't get enough of. He is my friend's 4 year old. When he was asked who he wanted at his birthday party, there was his family and friends and Aunty Munky. So the party itself can be a little awkward for a single girl at times. People only know each other as so-n-so's mum & dad or by their relation to the Birthday boy. I only got asked once "which one is mine?", so that's always fun. 

Once everyone had left and as I was extracting cupcakes from the sandpit on cleanup duty, I realised it was just like old times but it used to be the next day with all of us extremely hungover finding beer bottles in the oddest places around the garden. Floors were just as sticky though. While my friends sat, exhausted I got to put together numerous lego projects with the birthday boy and play til the sun went down and he fell asleep in my lap while watching a dvd. awww. Almost enough to make you want one... Best Saturday night date I've had in a while - why can't all boys be this cute and adorable?

Another Birthday rolls around - make it stop!!

So another Birthday is upon me, that mean's its been a year since I started this blog - Yay me! So I hope you have enjoyed it and that something amongst all my rants has amused, confused, entertained or effected you somehow.

I definitely don't feel my age and it seems very odd to say that I am now 39?! I feel like I am lying somehow, probably because no one believes me when I tell them.

Meanwhile, I have been working my little butt off not sure if I love it or hate it - depends on the day you ask me. I love being busy and I do enjoy what I do and the people I work with so all in all pretty damn lucky. I had to do 2 x 6 day weeks in a row then 12 days straight but I got a trip to Alice Springs and Uluru out of it. Though my role on the trip was to organise everything so I had 10 adults asking when the flight is, where do i sit, where do we check in, where are the toilets, who do i have to share a room with, where do we eat, what time do we eat, what's my next line, where are we going next, how far is that, can i go to the toilet now, i want a snack, can you get me a coffee.... the list goes on. So my plan today is to make very few decisions and to not be responsible for anyone else but myself!!  How selfish!!

Something else I realised on this trip away is what a solitary life I lead. My choice and not too concerned about it really, just noteworthy. We lost mobile signal for a good amount of time in Central Australia. We had to go old school and use pay phones and phone cards (which really don't last long at all!) Everyone was desperately trying to call home to speak to loved ones - spouses, children, boyfriends, girlfriends - and most had someone to pick them up at the airport too. I had no one that I couldn't go a day without speaking to or hearing from and I am not used to depending on someone else to do things like pick me up at the airport. And this is not to say that I don't have loved ones, it made me realise that I am rather unique in the way I handle relationships. My friends and family have known me in this type of work for many years now so to not see me and have minimal contact with me for a few weeks, sometimes months is quite normal to them. They knew where I was, and they knew I'd look after myself - coz I always do. Five days in Central Australia is nothing after I've done year long trips to the other side of the planet.

Anyhoo, Happy Birthday to me and thank you all for the well wishes via text, facebook or face to face (what?!) 

And please - no more cake!!!!

Mother's day

I have watched a lot of my friends become mums in recent years and it looks like hard work. So a moment for the mum's out there. Congratulations and keep it up - I don't know how you do it but I salute you for it.

These days most women have careers that need to be put on hold for children. All well and good to say - just do both, but easier said than done. Priorities change when kids become part of the mix. And I think that's for the best - Family and watching your kids grow up is way more important than work and money.

I'd be a mess if i didn't get my dose of kid play time every week. So I do thank those around me for the role as crazy, not fully grown up Aunty in their children's life.  I notice a difference in my attitude if I haven't had some down time with the kids in my life. It just puts things in perspective.
I remember one time when I  was stressing about work and an 8 year old said to me - "oh well, it's not the end of the world", and she was right.

I am stupid busy at the moment so no chance of having children, a relationship or even meeting someone right now but I am getting excited by a new project I am playing with as a writer/director. I'm getting a real charge out of the creative energy. It's my baby, ok. At this stage of my (single) life I don't know if I want kids, let alone will have the opportunity to make one with someone I can stand having around for that much time. So it's the best I can do right now and I'm pretty happy with that. At least I don't have to change it's nappy, and it doesn't cry. But I love it and it is a priority in my life.

But do you really need this Halmark holiday to show your mum how special she is?

My mum is great. Yes I rebelled when I was a younger and moved out as soon as the opportunity came up, I travelled the world and I made a radical career choice with no security at all. But more recently I have been able to spend time with both my parents as an adult and have genuinely enjoyed getting to know my parents on a different level. We generally bond over food whether it's Mum teaching me how to cook special chinese delicacies or Dad taking us out to an amazing restaurant.

Mum's are awesome!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

The Avengers Are GO!!!

So yes it's Saturday night and I'm sitting at home..again.
Yet somehow people seem to think I am out all the time? I have set a meeting for early tomorrow morning and my colleague said "if you are not too hungover". My parents are surprised if I can book in a Saturday night for a family dinner - "Aren't you going out??" they ask. Where and how did I develop such a reputation? (yes, I'm SO innocent!)

I probably would go out more if I had people to go out with. Here is my dilemma - we live in an ageing population, my friends are ageing. They don't go out anymore. I keep having to find younger and younger friends to keep doing what I like to do. The average age of my friends is now about 10 years younger than I am. And once they get a partner, they don't seem to need me around anymore. I never did get that. And I am quite capable of doing things on my own, I'm pretty good company. The schizo/ gemini in me means I can have great conversations with myself.

Here's another interesting thing. So I am at a friends BBQ. The friend is a male friend and his wife, we were old drinking buddies a few years back. So meeting others at the Q and it was automatically assumed that I was a friend of the wife's. Am I the only person that finds this odd? If men are only allowed to have men friends and women are only meant to have women friends why does the majority of society think coupling with the opposite sex is a good idea - makes homosexuality make more sense. Call me crazy but no matter what your sex, age, sexual preference, religion, what have you - I will pretty much treat you the same and I can become friends with you, unless you are an idiot that I don't care to know or until you find a partner and I get de-prioritised again.

People also seem to think I need to 'meet someone', couple me up, blah, blah blah. I am supposed to WANT this. And it baffles me!! Do I actually WANT a partner? Six years ago this week I got married, 3 years ago this week I got divorced. Am I happier now - YES! the difference? no husband!!!! Can someone please tell me why I want one? Ok, I never had to take out the garbage or change a lightbulb and it was much easier getting a load of groceries inside in one trip but what else did i get out of it? I guess I 'fit in' for a while and made my parents happy meanwhile spiralling myself into the deepest pit of depression I had ever experienced. Does that count?

Sorry, if it sounds a little bitter, but it is kinda where my head is at right now. I just don't think me and relationships really go together. I not writing it off, it's just not a priority. If you want a relationship with someone who spends her Saturday nights ranting about social norms and how I don't understand them then be my guest, give it a go - I dare you!

So for those of you who have actually stayed with me through this weeks rant, here's something much more fun - THE AVENGERS!!! I saw it this afternoon and it truly is awesome!! Not "Tin Tin awesome" but "lets destroy NYC with cgi effects and superheros triumphing over aliens from another world AWESOME".  So if you want to watch a movie made to be seen at the cinema - Go see it!!!!

Also, enjoying my quiet weekend because I am out Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday afternoon next week. Then we start shooting the week after that - and that will mean I'm pretty much working, or sleeping for 4 weeks solid. So maybe no bloggy blog, we'll see how I go.

So- where do I get this reputation that I am always out, or hungover? Hi - have you read my blog?

Holidays

I am so chilled right now. I love it!

I have had about 2 weeks off between projects. I didn't go away so i got stuff done around the house and just chillaxed and did whatever i felt like doing.

I've watched heaps of movies, i shopped myself out, I've seen friends, gone to the beach, I've been cooking, I have even gone back to the gym and I've been wearing dresses (coz i can)!!!!

I totally lost track of days and time - it was bliss!! I had an impromptu night out in the middle of the week, so spent Thursday kinda hungover. This lead to me being invited out on Saturday night, replying promptly and then forgetting completely about it until I got a text on Saturday night asking "so are you still planning on coming out tonight?"

I reminded my self of what a good cook i am and just how much i enjoy cooking. here's the list
- banana pancakes (life gave me mushy bananas so I made banana pancakes)
- chicken, mushroom, zucchini risotto (I will be eating this for a good week!)
- lamb chop dinner with vegies (one night only)
- hearty chicken and vege soup (ready for winter)
I have a terrible habit of overcatering so I have lots in the freezer ready to go - so if anyone wants a quick meal just give me a call.

i went swimming so much that i had about 3 pairs of swimmers on rotation and still put on slightly damp bikinis this week. I am tanned too - but i hate 'baking' at the beach, so i try to go early or late, or do a walk along the coast instead.

my impromtu wednesday night out was to D'vine - a fantastic little wine bar in Bondi owned by a friend of a friend. So my catch up at the beach turned into dinner, cocktails and 2 bottles of wine and a lost mobile phone later found us hungover watching dvd's on my couch the next day with a yum cha outing and another trip to the beach. yes - life is tough! If you get the chance to check out D'vine - please do it. It rates on everything - food, wine, atmosphere. I think it was reasonably priced - i didn't pay so I didn't pay as much attention. And there are also some very cool artworks on the walls and photos taken by the owner/chef too.

Movies
- The Artist, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The Lorax, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, The Hunger Games
- Cry Baby, Reality Bites, X-Men: Origins, The Big Hit
- Series 2 of Misfits, Supernatural, Grimm

Alas, the party will be over soon enough. I start back to work on Tuesday and it will only get busier after that. But I plan to make a conscious effort not to let my job take over my life this time around. Tho precedent says I will put everything I have into it and lose my life, temporarily, to the project. Oh well, it;s a good thing i like my work!!

Happy chocolate overdose weekend!!

Belly laughs!!!

So I finished up on a project this week - we blew up a car.
I finished up on Wednesday but it feels like forever ago already. I went on a great shopping spree, had dinner with my Cuz, caught up with my flatmate for the first time in 6 months(?!), watched a heap of DVD's and movies that I wanted to see, had my last wrap party for a while, recovered form a hangover, finally let the "crew flu" get the better of me, got called a yak and blew out some birthday candles with 3 of my favourite boys in the world.

And now, I sit on my balcony after finishing a lovely bacon and egg breakfast with tomatoes and mushrooms, basking in the sunlight and typing my blog. This whole not working business is something I could easily get used to. Oh Sugar Daddy, where are you?

So I'm walking through the city yesterday and I saw the funniest thing. Don't ask me why, but it cracked me up - I was crying with laughter and couldn't stop. The friends with me found it amusing but not nearly as amusing as I did. I saw this little old man walking towards me with a plain sweatshirt on and some very bold lettering stating "Big Dick is back in town". It just didn't fit with the image of him so it cracked me up. tho he did have a cheekiness about him which probably loves that people like me see him and laugh out loud. apparently on the back it said "and loving it" but i was too busy bent over laughing to see it.  So I thank you "Big Dick" for giving me the best belly laugh of the week, possibly the year so far.

Here's a question for you all - If you are friends with a couple and they break up - who do you stay friends with? When I broke up with my ex, some friends went one way or the other.  A few friends have managed to stay friends with both of us which is fine. I have friends that used to be friends and no longer get on - so now I just don't see them together, or friends from different parts of your life - just keep them separate right? Now, I know a couple who have broken up - I have known one half of  the couple forever and the other I met through coupledom. I will stay in touch with the other half but I don't think I will be able to be good friends with them simply because I know how much it bugged me when I knew my friends were still hanging out with my ex.

Also - working on a computer screen in full sunlight in polarized sunglasses means you have to tilt your head a bit to get the right amount of tint or to see the screen at all. hehe.