Another Birthday rolls around - make it stop!!

So another Birthday is upon me, that mean's its been a year since I started this blog - Yay me! So I hope you have enjoyed it and that something amongst all my rants has amused, confused, entertained or effected you somehow.

I definitely don't feel my age and it seems very odd to say that I am now 39?! I feel like I am lying somehow, probably because no one believes me when I tell them.

Meanwhile, I have been working my little butt off not sure if I love it or hate it - depends on the day you ask me. I love being busy and I do enjoy what I do and the people I work with so all in all pretty damn lucky. I had to do 2 x 6 day weeks in a row then 12 days straight but I got a trip to Alice Springs and Uluru out of it. Though my role on the trip was to organise everything so I had 10 adults asking when the flight is, where do i sit, where do we check in, where are the toilets, who do i have to share a room with, where do we eat, what time do we eat, what's my next line, where are we going next, how far is that, can i go to the toilet now, i want a snack, can you get me a coffee.... the list goes on. So my plan today is to make very few decisions and to not be responsible for anyone else but myself!!  How selfish!!

Something else I realised on this trip away is what a solitary life I lead. My choice and not too concerned about it really, just noteworthy. We lost mobile signal for a good amount of time in Central Australia. We had to go old school and use pay phones and phone cards (which really don't last long at all!) Everyone was desperately trying to call home to speak to loved ones - spouses, children, boyfriends, girlfriends - and most had someone to pick them up at the airport too. I had no one that I couldn't go a day without speaking to or hearing from and I am not used to depending on someone else to do things like pick me up at the airport. And this is not to say that I don't have loved ones, it made me realise that I am rather unique in the way I handle relationships. My friends and family have known me in this type of work for many years now so to not see me and have minimal contact with me for a few weeks, sometimes months is quite normal to them. They knew where I was, and they knew I'd look after myself - coz I always do. Five days in Central Australia is nothing after I've done year long trips to the other side of the planet.

Anyhoo, Happy Birthday to me and thank you all for the well wishes via text, facebook or face to face (what?!) 

And please - no more cake!!!!

Mother's day

I have watched a lot of my friends become mums in recent years and it looks like hard work. So a moment for the mum's out there. Congratulations and keep it up - I don't know how you do it but I salute you for it.

These days most women have careers that need to be put on hold for children. All well and good to say - just do both, but easier said than done. Priorities change when kids become part of the mix. And I think that's for the best - Family and watching your kids grow up is way more important than work and money.

I'd be a mess if i didn't get my dose of kid play time every week. So I do thank those around me for the role as crazy, not fully grown up Aunty in their children's life.  I notice a difference in my attitude if I haven't had some down time with the kids in my life. It just puts things in perspective.
I remember one time when I  was stressing about work and an 8 year old said to me - "oh well, it's not the end of the world", and she was right.

I am stupid busy at the moment so no chance of having children, a relationship or even meeting someone right now but I am getting excited by a new project I am playing with as a writer/director. I'm getting a real charge out of the creative energy. It's my baby, ok. At this stage of my (single) life I don't know if I want kids, let alone will have the opportunity to make one with someone I can stand having around for that much time. So it's the best I can do right now and I'm pretty happy with that. At least I don't have to change it's nappy, and it doesn't cry. But I love it and it is a priority in my life.

But do you really need this Halmark holiday to show your mum how special she is?

My mum is great. Yes I rebelled when I was a younger and moved out as soon as the opportunity came up, I travelled the world and I made a radical career choice with no security at all. But more recently I have been able to spend time with both my parents as an adult and have genuinely enjoyed getting to know my parents on a different level. We generally bond over food whether it's Mum teaching me how to cook special chinese delicacies or Dad taking us out to an amazing restaurant.

Mum's are awesome!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

The Avengers Are GO!!!

So yes it's Saturday night and I'm sitting at home..again.
Yet somehow people seem to think I am out all the time? I have set a meeting for early tomorrow morning and my colleague said "if you are not too hungover". My parents are surprised if I can book in a Saturday night for a family dinner - "Aren't you going out??" they ask. Where and how did I develop such a reputation? (yes, I'm SO innocent!)

I probably would go out more if I had people to go out with. Here is my dilemma - we live in an ageing population, my friends are ageing. They don't go out anymore. I keep having to find younger and younger friends to keep doing what I like to do. The average age of my friends is now about 10 years younger than I am. And once they get a partner, they don't seem to need me around anymore. I never did get that. And I am quite capable of doing things on my own, I'm pretty good company. The schizo/ gemini in me means I can have great conversations with myself.

Here's another interesting thing. So I am at a friends BBQ. The friend is a male friend and his wife, we were old drinking buddies a few years back. So meeting others at the Q and it was automatically assumed that I was a friend of the wife's. Am I the only person that finds this odd? If men are only allowed to have men friends and women are only meant to have women friends why does the majority of society think coupling with the opposite sex is a good idea - makes homosexuality make more sense. Call me crazy but no matter what your sex, age, sexual preference, religion, what have you - I will pretty much treat you the same and I can become friends with you, unless you are an idiot that I don't care to know or until you find a partner and I get de-prioritised again.

People also seem to think I need to 'meet someone', couple me up, blah, blah blah. I am supposed to WANT this. And it baffles me!! Do I actually WANT a partner? Six years ago this week I got married, 3 years ago this week I got divorced. Am I happier now - YES! the difference? no husband!!!! Can someone please tell me why I want one? Ok, I never had to take out the garbage or change a lightbulb and it was much easier getting a load of groceries inside in one trip but what else did i get out of it? I guess I 'fit in' for a while and made my parents happy meanwhile spiralling myself into the deepest pit of depression I had ever experienced. Does that count?

Sorry, if it sounds a little bitter, but it is kinda where my head is at right now. I just don't think me and relationships really go together. I not writing it off, it's just not a priority. If you want a relationship with someone who spends her Saturday nights ranting about social norms and how I don't understand them then be my guest, give it a go - I dare you!

So for those of you who have actually stayed with me through this weeks rant, here's something much more fun - THE AVENGERS!!! I saw it this afternoon and it truly is awesome!! Not "Tin Tin awesome" but "lets destroy NYC with cgi effects and superheros triumphing over aliens from another world AWESOME".  So if you want to watch a movie made to be seen at the cinema - Go see it!!!!

Also, enjoying my quiet weekend because I am out Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday afternoon next week. Then we start shooting the week after that - and that will mean I'm pretty much working, or sleeping for 4 weeks solid. So maybe no bloggy blog, we'll see how I go.

So- where do I get this reputation that I am always out, or hungover? Hi - have you read my blog?

Holidays

I am so chilled right now. I love it!

I have had about 2 weeks off between projects. I didn't go away so i got stuff done around the house and just chillaxed and did whatever i felt like doing.

I've watched heaps of movies, i shopped myself out, I've seen friends, gone to the beach, I've been cooking, I have even gone back to the gym and I've been wearing dresses (coz i can)!!!!

I totally lost track of days and time - it was bliss!! I had an impromptu night out in the middle of the week, so spent Thursday kinda hungover. This lead to me being invited out on Saturday night, replying promptly and then forgetting completely about it until I got a text on Saturday night asking "so are you still planning on coming out tonight?"

I reminded my self of what a good cook i am and just how much i enjoy cooking. here's the list
- banana pancakes (life gave me mushy bananas so I made banana pancakes)
- chicken, mushroom, zucchini risotto (I will be eating this for a good week!)
- lamb chop dinner with vegies (one night only)
- hearty chicken and vege soup (ready for winter)
I have a terrible habit of overcatering so I have lots in the freezer ready to go - so if anyone wants a quick meal just give me a call.

i went swimming so much that i had about 3 pairs of swimmers on rotation and still put on slightly damp bikinis this week. I am tanned too - but i hate 'baking' at the beach, so i try to go early or late, or do a walk along the coast instead.

my impromtu wednesday night out was to D'vine - a fantastic little wine bar in Bondi owned by a friend of a friend. So my catch up at the beach turned into dinner, cocktails and 2 bottles of wine and a lost mobile phone later found us hungover watching dvd's on my couch the next day with a yum cha outing and another trip to the beach. yes - life is tough! If you get the chance to check out D'vine - please do it. It rates on everything - food, wine, atmosphere. I think it was reasonably priced - i didn't pay so I didn't pay as much attention. And there are also some very cool artworks on the walls and photos taken by the owner/chef too.

Movies
- The Artist, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The Lorax, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, The Hunger Games
- Cry Baby, Reality Bites, X-Men: Origins, The Big Hit
- Series 2 of Misfits, Supernatural, Grimm

Alas, the party will be over soon enough. I start back to work on Tuesday and it will only get busier after that. But I plan to make a conscious effort not to let my job take over my life this time around. Tho precedent says I will put everything I have into it and lose my life, temporarily, to the project. Oh well, it;s a good thing i like my work!!

Happy chocolate overdose weekend!!

Belly laughs!!!

So I finished up on a project this week - we blew up a car.
I finished up on Wednesday but it feels like forever ago already. I went on a great shopping spree, had dinner with my Cuz, caught up with my flatmate for the first time in 6 months(?!), watched a heap of DVD's and movies that I wanted to see, had my last wrap party for a while, recovered form a hangover, finally let the "crew flu" get the better of me, got called a yak and blew out some birthday candles with 3 of my favourite boys in the world.

And now, I sit on my balcony after finishing a lovely bacon and egg breakfast with tomatoes and mushrooms, basking in the sunlight and typing my blog. This whole not working business is something I could easily get used to. Oh Sugar Daddy, where are you?

So I'm walking through the city yesterday and I saw the funniest thing. Don't ask me why, but it cracked me up - I was crying with laughter and couldn't stop. The friends with me found it amusing but not nearly as amusing as I did. I saw this little old man walking towards me with a plain sweatshirt on and some very bold lettering stating "Big Dick is back in town". It just didn't fit with the image of him so it cracked me up. tho he did have a cheekiness about him which probably loves that people like me see him and laugh out loud. apparently on the back it said "and loving it" but i was too busy bent over laughing to see it.  So I thank you "Big Dick" for giving me the best belly laugh of the week, possibly the year so far.

Here's a question for you all - If you are friends with a couple and they break up - who do you stay friends with? When I broke up with my ex, some friends went one way or the other.  A few friends have managed to stay friends with both of us which is fine. I have friends that used to be friends and no longer get on - so now I just don't see them together, or friends from different parts of your life - just keep them separate right? Now, I know a couple who have broken up - I have known one half of  the couple forever and the other I met through coupledom. I will stay in touch with the other half but I don't think I will be able to be good friends with them simply because I know how much it bugged me when I knew my friends were still hanging out with my ex.

Also - working on a computer screen in full sunlight in polarized sunglasses means you have to tilt your head a bit to get the right amount of tint or to see the screen at all. hehe.

Saying Goodbye

We say this everyday but you never think it will be the last time you say it to someone.

My ex and I used to say "It's not good bye, it's see you later", because despite leaving the country indefinitely I knew it wasn't over between us. After I married and divorced him - I knew it was over between us.

I said good bye to a friend of nearly 20 years as he moved his family to Japan last week, and then I said good bye to an absolute LEGEND of a man that I had the pleasure of working with over the past few years at his funeral on Friday.

Funerals are strange events. And I feel like I have been to a lot in my lifetime. And if you mix up the letters you get REAL FUN. They make you think, don't they?

I have traveled a lot and found that everyone would come to my farewells but when I returned and tried to catch up with them - they were busy. Does this mean they were more excited about me leaving the country than coming back to it? We often take our friends and family for granted and people would put off catching up because they figured I'd still be around the next week. This is to help prove my point that farewells are celebrated more than arrivals or returns. You don't get nearly as big a turn out for a birth, do you?

I didn't cry at my grandfather's funeral. I was 17, in my final year of High school and he'd lived with us all my life. It was a surreal event where I felt like an observer removed from the emotions that were welling up within so many of my relatives and running down their cheeks. I remember seeing a lot of my older male relatives crying, something I had never seen them do before.  I didn't cry at my Grandfather's funeral because I had watched him deteriorate over the last 6 months in a hospital bed to the point where he didn't resemble the person I knew him to be. I felt that him finally letting go of what was left of his life was a blessing. It saved him from any more pain and he would be reunited with his wife, My Grandmother,  who died 14 years earlier. I may have cried at her funeral but I was 3 and not getting enough attention or a lollie or a toy would probably have been reason to cry.

My other Grandfather died a few years before that and the biggest reaction came from my overseas Aunty who hadn't lived in the same country as her family since she was 16. She howled with grief, it was hard to watch.

I put it down to the amount of time you get with a person. I believe most relationships are finite. Some get burned up fast and intense, others are drawn out over years.  I'm not saying one is better than the other everyone is met for a reason some relationships just have smaller hourglasses with bigger holes.
Does this make any sense? Friends I don't see often (particularly those in other countries or cities) - I still hold dear because our hourglass gets put on hold more often, some people you see way too much of and sometimes just need a break from them. Am I right?
I got more than my fair share of time with my grandfather, both of them, compared to my other relatives and my OS aunty. My hourglass was almost empty anyway. I cried at the funeral on Friday because he was a lovely person who I would have liked to have had more time with. My hourglass still had a lot more sand in it.

"If you mourn me a little, it's too much. If you celebrate my life to the max, it's not enough."
Cheers Turps!

Can anyone spare some time?

hmmm - have I run out of things to say?

No - just the time in which to say it.

I used to bag people out for being time poor and claim that they should just be more organised. Now it's me. I blame this full time work thing - when do you rat racers find time for things like going to the post office and catching up on your personal admin. I've had a post it note with TAX written on it since July last year. The other one says BLOG and I did well with that for the first 6 months, which is the goal I set myself and I did it so these are just bonuses now. 

A PA would be great right now - get my groceries, organise plumber and electrician, go to post office to mail DVD's out to festivals that don't accept online screeners(?! how archaic!),  burn some more DVD's (this time at the correct frame rate), buy my nephews birthday presents, email CV out to get a work after this contract runs out...the list goes on and on. Now while someone is doing all of that for me can they squeeze in researching and booking me a holiday!! Maybe a time machine would help - right now i'd use it to stop time while I sleep, then once rested I'd go do crazy stuff with it  Back to the Future style.

It seems to be the time for wrap parties. I have 1 every 2 weeks lately but only 3. Society wants me to get drunk at these things to prove what a good time I am having. I don't understand this. People I work with think I am drunk at these things anyway coz I am not in 'work' mode and social me comes out a bit more and they are not used to her. I have also made a conscious effort to not get tanked at these events as they are work functions; invite me to the after party and that's another story. ;-) I've always kept my work and social life quite separate until more recently when I have been working with people that I want to hang out with outside of work.

Said good bye to a dear friend (emigrating to Japan) who has been a huge influence on my life though not as prominent in it for the last 10 years. He had a farewell yesterday and it dredged up some deep buried emotions in me and left me a little fragile last night. All good, just very contemplative in a what am I doing with my life and what does it all mean kinda way. 

The weather has been crazy, I have been dealing with a case of manflu at work and in denial that i am actually coming down with the same bug. Trooper that I am gives them all the support they need while quietly running myself into the ground. Does this job ever get any easier?? 

Today - the SPOT festival in Randwick and a short film screening with my Cuz.